IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

The leaders of most organizations tend to be older people. However, some argue that younger people make better bosses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #organizations #people #argue #bosses
Most organization leaders are to be older.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 other
people
 that younger employees make better managers . I state my opinion on the following points . From the on side . Older
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more knowledge than younger . For
this
 always older
people
 are to be boss. It could be because they are who are managers
need
Correct pronoun usage
who need
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 a lot of
excperiense
Correct your spelling
experience
experiences
 I think older
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 enough
excperiense
Correct your spelling
experience
.
From
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side . Sometimes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
 are
boss
Correct article usage
the boss
show examples
 in their house in the world.
For example
 my father boss in my house . Because he is older than others. For
this
 ,
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 are to be older to kind of companies and
othet
Correct your spelling
other
 unions .
Submitted by doniyorgafurov05 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are crucial for structuring your argument effectively. Make sure to include these paragraphs and clearly state your viewpoint in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
logical structure
The essay does not exhibit a clear logical structure. Use paragraphs effectively, each containing one main idea with supporting sentences that expand on that idea. Transitions between paragraphs need to be smooth and logical.
supported main points
Your main points are not fully developed or supported by specific examples. When presenting an argument, be sure to back up each point with evidence or examples to strengthen your essay.
complete response
Your response to the question is incomplete. To fully address the task, make sure to answer all parts of the question and develop a more balanced argument discussing both viewpoints before giving your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on expanding and elaborating on your thoughts so the reader can understand your perspective. It would be beneficial to practice writing more complex sentences that convey your ideas unambiguously.
relevant specific examples
The essay could benefit from more relevant and specific examples. Examples help to clarify and support your arguments, thereby making your essay stronger and more convincing. Try to draw from a wider range of experiences or hypothetical scenarios when providing examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strategic decision-making
  • crisis management
  • innovative ideas
  • adaptable
  • tech-savvy
  • digital transformation
  • complex situations
  • high-pressure decisions
  • empathy
  • patience
  • strategic foresight
  • authoritative
  • collaborative work culture
  • dynamic
  • inclusive organizational culture
  • ageism
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