IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. discuss some possible reasons for this problem and suggest solutions

#obesity #rate #teenagers #countries
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I completely discuss
with
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apply
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the provided statement for some reasons and my inclinations
along with
 relevant
exampe
Correct your spelling
example
examples
 will be discussed in the following paragraphs the obesity rate among adults has increased dramatically in many developed
world
Change to a plural noun
worlds
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. Looking
firstly
 at one side of
this
 statement
Correct determiner usage
apply
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this
 the obesity rate
harm
Wrong verb form
is harmful
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for
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to
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people
 because it is gastric flu .the result for a majority
people
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of people
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 is
got
Verb problem
apply
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bad ills . On the one hand , if
people
a
Add a missing verb
have a
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lot of
food
 , it maybe will be gastrites
.
Correct your spelling
although
although
people
 make a wish a majority
food
.and
Correct your spelling
and
as a result
 population growth will decrease . Turning to
the
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apply
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another point of
this
 statement , in my opinion,
people
useful
Correct word choice
apply
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eat delicious
food
 . The reason
for
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apply
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if
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 a lot eat
food
 , more becoming healthy.
On the other hand
, junk
food
is makes
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makes
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 you fat. In conclusion, I think eat less
as
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apply
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food
 as much as possible as
its
Correct your spelling
it is
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unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 snack
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Structure
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, introducing the topic and summarizing the main points at the end.
Content
Develop your main points with supporting details and examples, and make sure they relate directly to the task questions.
Cohesion
Organize ideas logically, use paragraphs effectively, and employ linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Response
Fully address all parts of the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dramatically
  • prevalence
  • addictive
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • gadgets
  • exertion
  • awareness
  • balanced diet
  • incorporate
  • nutritional education
  • facilitating
  • impose
  • regulations
  • restricting
  • promote
What to do next:
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