IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarket have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #manufacturers #supermarket #responsibility #amount #goods #customers
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Whilst many
people
 have the belief that retailers and producers are obliged to diminish the
mass produced
Add a hyphen
mass-produced
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 volume of packaged
products
, some individuals contend
the
Change preposition
with the
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 notion that buyers should be inclined to purchase unpacked goods
instead
 of packaged ones. I firmly hold the view that it is a must for both manufacturers and markets
as well as
 individuals
themselved
Correct your spelling
themselves
 to address the growing concern of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
packaging industry and its negative effects on the contamination of the earth. On the
one
 hand, it is a prevalent fact that packaging is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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one
 of the most important process phases of any modern production site or
a
Correct article usage
apply
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retail market. Massive amount of packaging waste entails contamination of living spaces, blending in
soild
Correct your spelling
solids
 and eradicating the substratum.
Therefore
, the mass producers of
packaging
Correct article usage
the packaging
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 industry associated with supermarket chains should only utilize packaging for certain types of
products
,
thus
 decreasing the amount of packaged goods.
For example
, buyers are given multiple
packages
 to purchase
products
,
however
one
 single package
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can eliminate redundancy and can be reused multiple times
Change preposition
on
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in
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on
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 future
occassions
Correct your spelling
occasions
.
On the other hand
,
people
's role is utterly important to tackle
with
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apply
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the effects of large-scale
packging
Correct your spelling
packaging
 of
products
.
People
 have the power and tools to redirect the future of eco-friendly packaging by
cease
Change the verb form
ceasing
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 to purchasing
of
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apply
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plastic
packages
 which are
one
 of the chief culprits of global pollution.
Furthermore
,
raising
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by raising
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 awareness amongst new generations, they will be able to alter the agenda of companies that produce conventional packaged goods.
Additionally
, a movement triggered by
people
 to switch from plastic to reusable bags will sway manufacturers and supermarkets toward sustainability, complying with the given
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
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. In conclusion, the involvement of both users and producers is paramount to fight off the misuse of
packages
in
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on
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 a broader scale. The simultaneous efforts committed by supermarkets, manufacturers and
people
 play a pivotal role in reducing the number of excess
packages
.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Task Achievement
Your essay does address the prompt given, but your arguments can be further enhanced by providing more specific examples and data to support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
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