IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarket have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Whilst many
people
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 have the belief that retailers and producers are obliged to diminish the
mass produced
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mass-produced
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 volume of packaged
products
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, some individuals contend
the
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with the
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 notion that buyers should be inclined to purchase unpacked goods
instead
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 of packaged ones. I firmly hold the view that it is a must for both manufacturers and markets
as well as
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 individuals
themselved
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themselves
 to address the growing concern of
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the
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packaging industry and its negative effects on the contamination of the earth. On the
one
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 hand, it is a prevalent fact that packaging is considered
as
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apply
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one
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 of the most important process phases of any modern production site or
a
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apply
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retail market. Massive amount of packaging waste entails contamination of living spaces, blending in
soild
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solids
 and eradicating the substratum.
Therefore
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, the mass producers of
packaging
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the packaging
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 industry associated with supermarket chains should only utilize packaging for certain types of
products
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,
thus
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 decreasing the amount of packaged goods.
For example
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, buyers are given multiple
packages
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 to purchase
products
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,
however
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one
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 single package
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apply
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which
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apply
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can eliminate redundancy and can be reused multiple times
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on
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in
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on
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 future
occassions
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occasions
.
On the other hand
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,
people
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's role is utterly important to tackle
with
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apply
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the effects of large-scale
packging
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packaging
 of
products
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.
People
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 have the power and tools to redirect the future of eco-friendly packaging by
cease
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ceasing
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 to purchasing
of
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apply
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plastic
packages
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 which are
one
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 of the chief culprits of global pollution.
Furthermore
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,
raising
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by raising
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 awareness amongst new generations, they will be able to alter the agenda of companies that produce conventional packaged goods.
Additionally
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, a movement triggered by
people
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 to switch from plastic to reusable bags will sway manufacturers and supermarkets toward sustainability, complying with the given
feedbacks
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feedback
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. In conclusion, the involvement of both users and producers is paramount to fight off the misuse of
packages
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in
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on
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 a broader scale. The simultaneous efforts committed by supermarkets, manufacturers and
people
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 play a pivotal role in reducing the number of excess
packages
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.

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Task Achievement
Your essay does address the prompt given, but your arguments can be further enhanced by providing more specific examples and data to support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
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