In the past people used to live their entire life in one place. Nowadays they live in several different places during their life. What are the reasons for this change? Is it a positive or a negative trend?
During
an
ancient times, individuals Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
love
to spend their entire Wrong verb form
loved
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
at
Change preposition
in
there
own Correct your spelling
their
country
. However
, in this
cutting edge masses migrate to various Nations throughout their life
. This
is because they want to become financially
robust . I believe that this
is a negative development as it cause
brain drain .
Initiating with , the most significant reason behind Change the verb form
causes
this
development is people
want rich life
. In other words
, the main motive of citizens is to earn good money so that they can full fill
their needs . Correct your spelling
fulfil
Therefore
, they shift to developed countries. In India for example
, numerous young people
like to move Canada
, America and so on . Because by going there they can outgoingly achieve their dreams .
Change preposition
to Canada
Nevertheless
, moving to another nation can put
Verb problem
have
negative
impact onAdd an article
a negative
the negative
Change noun form
people's
people
birth country
.
firstly
, it can cause brain drain . when highskilled
Correct your spelling
high-skilled
high skilled
people
shift to another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
than
their own Change preposition
apply
country
become
poor because no professional person Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
available
there which can boost the economy of Add a missing verb
is available
country
.
Add an article
the country
a country
For instance
, in Pakistan
many professional Add a comma
Pakistan,
people
move to developed countries which badly effect
the economic status of their Verb problem
affects
country
.
In conclusion, although
to live a rich Correct word choice
apply
life
people
move another
Change preposition
to another
country
. However
, it cause
many Replace the word
causes
of
obstacles for their own Change preposition
apply
country
like brain drain and economic loss . I believe, that people
should work at
their own Change preposition
in
country
. In order to, boost the economic status of their country
.Submitted by ssjatt142xz on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and cohesive structure. It is essential to organize your ideas logically, with clear paragraphing that delineates introduction, main body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and subsequent sentences should support that idea with explanations or examples.
task achievement
It's important to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure to discuss reasons for the change in living patterns and also whether it is a positive or negative trend, providing reasoned arguments and specific examples for both. Your essay should offer a balance of ideas to cover all aspects of the question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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