The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998
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The present table gives information about the amount of earnings by adults and children to use up 4
regularly
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regular
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things (
food
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electronic
equipment
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, music and
videos
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) in the UK in 1998. Broadly it can be seen that
woman
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women
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spent most of their income on
food
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in contrast
Linking Words
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boys
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to boys
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. Children didn't pay as much for
food
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as for electronic
equipment
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and music. It can be clearly seen from the table that, adults 25% of their pay for
food
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,
women's
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women
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for
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apply
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most of
this
Linking Words
is 39% and men 24%. In
comparison
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comparison,
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electronic
equipment
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was high by men than women.
Musics
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Music
Kinds of music
Pieces of music
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and
videos
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are least popular
amoung
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among
adults and
they're
Unnecessary verb
they
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pay
Wrong verb form
paid
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for
videos
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1
persent
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per cent
person
only. Children use their money on
food
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and music almost the same
persent
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person
with
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as
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boys
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and
girls
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. The popular item is electronic
equipment
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for
boys
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because
boys
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spend money 18%
in contrast
Linking Words
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girls
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to girls
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because
of
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apply
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girls
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only spend 5%. The pay for
videos
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persentage
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percentage
almost
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is almost
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the same by 18% and 17%, between
boys
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and
girls
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, respectively.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, equipment, videos, boys, girls with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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