The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998
The present table gives information about the amount of earnings by adults and children to use up 4
regularly
Change the word
regular
show examples
things (
food
electronic
equipment
, music and
videos
) in the UK in 1998. Broadly it can be seen that
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
spent most of their income on
food
in contrast
boys
Change preposition
to boys
show examples
. Children didn't pay as much for
food
as for electronic
equipment
and music. It can be clearly seen from the table that, adults 25% of their pay for
food
,
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most of
this
is 39% and men 24%. In
comparison
Add a comma
comparison,
show examples
electronic
equipment
was high by men than women.
Musics
Change the wording
Music
Kinds of music
Pieces of music
show examples
and
videos
are least popular
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
adults and
they're
Unnecessary verb
they
show examples
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
for
videos
1
persent
Correct your spelling
per cent
person
only. Children use their money on
food
and music almost the same
persent
Correct your spelling
person
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
boys
and
girls
. The popular item is electronic
equipment
for
boys
because
boys
spend money 18%
in contrast
girls
Change preposition
to girls
show examples
because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
girls
only spend 5%. The pay for
videos
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
almost
Add a missing verb
is almost
show examples
the same by 18% and 17%, between
boys
and
girls
, respectively.
Submitted by xamraqulovrozimuhammad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, equipment, videos, boys, girls with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: