IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. what are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

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Introduction
It is admittedly true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Most of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the girls
show examples
girls
Change noun form
girls'
girl's
show examples
students
Use synonyms
are choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
 subjects,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
boys
Correct article usage
the boys
show examples
 like
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 trend should be changed. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
subject
Use synonyms
 choosing
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
In
this
Linking Words
 recent era,
Art
Use synonyms
subject
Use synonyms
 is more popular among
girls
Use synonyms
 than
boys
Use synonyms
 which has several reasons for the girl's side.
Firsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
girls
Use synonyms
 like to do
art
Use synonyms
,
drowing
Correct your spelling
drawing
, writing,
Correct word choice
and degine
show examples
degine
Correct your spelling
define
whereas
Linking Words
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as sports, technology, science
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
 on. For the
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
Correct your spelling
interest
interast
Add a comma
interast,
show examples
 they might
be choose
Change the verb form
choose
show examples
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 subjects.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a girl
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
trenddy
Correct your spelling
trendy
subject
Use synonyms
 only for her
comforness
Correct your spelling
comforters
 because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
deparmental
Correct your spelling
department
 class has too many
boys
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 a girl might be not comfortable
that is
Linking Words
 why they choose
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
boys
Use synonyms
 want to take
challange
Correct your spelling
challenges
 and
also
Linking Words
 they do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 like to do
art
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 why they choose science.
Body paragraph 2
In
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 and universities
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 department
sutudens
Correct your spelling
students
 are
girls
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
boys
Use synonyms
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 which
Add a missing verb
is inconvinean
show examples
inconvinean
Correct your spelling
incontinent
 for
socity
Correct your spelling
society
.
firstly
Linking Words
, after graduation from
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
department
Add a comma
department,
show examples
 most of
Use synonyms
students
Add an article
the students
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 employment were choose
girls
Use synonyms
 mostly and they
also
Linking Words
 might be think
this
Linking Words
subject
Use synonyms
 only for
girls
Use synonyms
 not for
boys
Use synonyms
 which can be
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
 graduated boy
students
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is not only
Correct article usage
an unemloyment
show examples
unemloyment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 problem but
also
Linking Words
economecal
Correct your spelling
economical
 problem for that country.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, education is a
backbon
Correct your spelling
backbone
 for a nation where it is for
evereyone
Correct your spelling
everyone
. A
sebject
Correct your spelling
subject
 or a
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
 department can not
mejar
Correct your spelling
major
 gender.
student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
 can choose any
subject
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 but parents and
theacher
Correct your spelling
teachers
teacher
 should be
consaltenc
Correct your spelling
consistent
 why the student choose
this
Linking Words
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
subject
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow your argument. Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. In the introduction, present the topic and your thesis statement. Each body paragraph should contain one main idea, supported by examples or explanations. In conclusion, summarize your main points and restate your thesis in light of the arguments made.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat repetitive and there's a significant lack of development in your arguments. You need to present clear and comprehensive ideas, each supported by relevant examples or evidence. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your examples are directly related to the topic. Avoid general statements and strive to provide specific instances or case studies that illustrate your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • reasons
  • ideas
  • people
  • home
  • school
  • teacher
  • parents
  • friends
  • clubs
  • jobs
  • work
  • money
  • choice
  • option
  • equal
  • help
  • support
  • change
  • role model
  • arts
  • science
  • future
  • study
  • career
  • experience
  • opportunity
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