Some countries have free health services. However, some people feel that those who live unhealthy lifestyles should not receive free healthcare. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Dear Mr. Tom, I am writing to ask for
time
off from work. On account of our significant family event.
This
event is very important for me because my sister will get married next week. I would appreciate it if you could allow me forward a week . I am Kxaydarkulova Maftuna your international company as
functionary
Correct article usage
a functionary
show examples
have been working
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
five years.
However
I for the first
time
request
time
off from you. I understand that my absence may cause some inconvenience ,so I have already talked to one of our
collagues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
and she agreed to work for me. I hope you will consider my request positively and I assure you that I will do everything in my power to ensure a smooth and efficient transition during my absence. Thank you for your
time
and understanding. I look forward to
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
response. Yours sincerely Maftuna Kxaydarkulova
Submitted by vaziramuhammadsobirova on

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task achievement
The written text is a personal letter requesting time off work and does not address the IELTS essay topic regarding free health services for individuals with unhealthy lifestyles. To improve your score, ensure that your essay directly responds to the task prompt provided. Clearly state your position on the topic and develop your argument with relevant points and examples.
logical structure
Your essay lacks a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. It's essential to structure your essay with these components to guide the reader logically through your argument. Begin with an introductory statement that paraphrases the question and presents your thesis. Follow this with body paragraphs that each introduce a main point with a topic sentence, then develop that point with explanations or examples. Conclude by summarizing your arguments and restating your position.
logical structure
The letter does not provide a clear and logical progression of ideas related to the IELTS topic in question. To improve coherence and cohesion, start by outlining your main points before you begin writing. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and include cohesive devices such as linking words or phrases to connect your ideas. Maintain consistency in your argument throughout the essay and clearly transition between points.
supported main points
To ensure that all main points are well-supported, include explanations, examples, or evidence that directly relate to your position on the IELTS essay topic. In this case, your letter does not provide any support for your view on health services because it discusses an unrelated personal matter. Next time, be sure to directly address the essay question, providing specific reasons and examples to back up your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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