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Writing Samples
Band 4

Going to college is a dream for many people. Some do the work, graduate, and find good jobs. Other students, however, never finish their university studies. What causes students to drop out of college?

#college #dream #people #do #work #graduate #jobs #students #university #studies #drop
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Nowadays, more and more
students
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 do not continue to study in
college
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. People will observe that many
students
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work
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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bartenders at coffee stores or go to
work
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 for vocational training. Sometimes I see that girls student
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work
Wrong verb form
working
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 at
hair
Add an article
a hair
the hair
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 salon,
polish
Wrong verb form
polishing
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 the nails of customers at the shampoo shop when she is only 19 years old. There are two main reasons why
students
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 drop out of
college
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 and
university
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. The first reason
students
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 drop out of
college
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 is that they can not afford to pay for
university
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 expenses. As people know, all expenses in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life are expensive and increase significantly. Many families do not
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
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have enough money to survive and pay for
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
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 of going to
university
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 and
college
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.
Thus
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,
students
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 choose not to study in
college
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 and go to
work
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 to make ends meet. Another reason
students
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 are not interested in studying in
college
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 is that they feel they are not suitable for the major. From my point of view, I definitely agree with their opinion.
For
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From
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 my knowledge, I see that when they choose majors to enter
university
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, they choose them
due to
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 failing other universities or hobby of their parents. At present, they recognize that they cannot study with a major because they have no knowledge of the major that they are studying.
Therefore
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, they will be disappointed and not fond of studying in
college
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. In conclusion,
students
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 have a tendency to drop out of school with two justifiable and outstanding reasons. They do not have enough money to pay for
college
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 and desire to learn their major. In my opinion, I think that their parents should give them advice and have an orientation for their future.
Submitted by dn4270602 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a logical flow, with a clear connection between paragraphs and a concise thesis statement. Transition words and topic sentences can greatly improve this aspect, providing a clearer structure for the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are key elements of the essay but need to be more impactful. It's important to clearly establish the topic and purpose in the introduction and to reiterate the main points without introducing new information in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop and support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Each paragraph should explore a distinct reason or idea connected to the essay topic and be supported by evidence or examples to enhance clarity and depth of analysis.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question thoroughly. Use clear, comprehensive statements to present your ideas, and make sure to back them up with relevant, specific examples and explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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