Studying art in school improves students’ performance in other subjects because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That’s why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

#art #school #students’ #performance #subjects #students #that’s #schools

The studying methods at

school

are developing now. So there are a lot of approaches to the impact of

school

student's

Fix the agreement mistake

students'

show examples

skills. Some schools enter

art

classes

hoping that

such

subjects

will help

students

to learn new things and be multi-skilled. I disagree with the view of making obligatory

art

classes

school

. In my opinion, it does not work with everyone to make

art

classes

obligatory, since I think each student is unique. Some

students

adore visiting

art

classes

because it may be their hobby or they may just prefer it. When they like studying

craft

Fix the agreement mistake

crafts

show examples

It can have a good effect in another field of their life.

For example

, It can improve their critical thinking or change their mindset so they will think abroad.

Also

, it will affect their academic performance. On the other side, they will develop as a person since recruitment has mental meals. It fulfils their mental condition. The reason why I do not support the idea of including

art

classes

in the list of basic

subjects

is it can not suit everybody. Because some people can not stand arts and think it is just another cause of spending time on the things which are not good for them.

Instead

Add a comma

show examples

they prefer to learn something which will help in their professional life. And someone can find it boring so they will pay more attention to physical sport.

That is

why I do not agree with the opinion of making

art

subjects

obligatory. If these

classes

to everybody

then

people who do not like them can spoil the atmosphere in the class and it can affect another student who is good at

art

and adores it. These

classes

must be elective. It

also

includes

subjects

debat

Correct your spelling

debit

debate

classes

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and robotechnic which

students

can choose what they want It will be more effective for everyone. Summing up, I keep the view that

art

classes

should not be obligatory.

School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

have to provide

students

with the choice of which

subjects

they will visit.

Submitted by sayazhorabek9466 on Thu Dec 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear logical structure that easily guides the reader through the points made. It's crucial to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs each presenting one main idea, and a conclusion that restates your position. Paragraphs should be organized and each should have a clear topic sentence.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are essential components of the essay structure. In your essay, both seem to be present; however, they are not clearly defined and articulated. The introduction should clearly state your position on the prompt, and the conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments, restating your stance.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with clear and specific examples. Your essay includes some general statements, but it lacks concrete examples that illustrate your claims. This oversight diminishes the effectiveness of your arguments. Ensure each point made is supported by a specific example or reasoning.

task achievement

Your response to the task could be improved. The essay indicates your disagreement with the statement, but it is incomplete in addressing why arts should not be obligatory beyond personal preferences. A complete response fully addresses the question by examining both sides of the argument, including reasons why some might agree or disagree with the proposition.

task achievement

Work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. Some of your points are not fully explained, which can leave the reader with unanswered questions. Ensuring that each paragraph contains one clear, well-developed idea with explanations will lead to a stronger essay.

task achievement

Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples that could strengthen your arguments. Including specific, detailed examples is important to show the examiner that you understand the topic and can think critically about it.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

335 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

multi-skilled
critical thinking
problem-solving
creativity
concentration
discipline
collaboration
self-esteem
cultural understanding
obligatory
academic performance
transferable skills
enhancing
approach
foundation

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
Some people think importing foreign movies and TV programs is good for a country's culture. Others believe it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Consumerism regarding films and series is bringing about distinguished cultural approaches and choices. Many believe that imported movies and television shows are beneficial for cultural diversity, while others disagree and insist that these materials ought to be produced internally. It is beyond imagination that a nation creates all video materials itself. It is for this reason that my viewpoint is inclined towards the first group for its' tremendous upsides.
6
band
Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is thought by some people that the governments should not spend money on arts such as painting and music and it is better if they use money on something useful that will improve the quality of people's lives. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this notion and reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
5
band
Some people think that we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom. Others believe that online learning is more effective. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Based on the development of technology, most students tend to continue their studies through online platforms and most argue that it is more beneficial than learning by a teacher a physical class. This essay will argue that both perspectives of learning ways to enhance student's knowledge and skills.
6
band
task 2: in some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address the problem?
Recent years have witnessed the development of young generations with ever better qualities of life than those in the previous decades, youngsters are thought to have more happiness aligned with being wealthier, healthier and having longer life. However, reality may show that they are less happy. This problem can be attributed to several factors, and this essay suggests viable solutions to remedy the situation.
6
band
Nowadays, distance-learning programs are such common thing for us (the study material by post, by internet) but some people argue that courses can never be taken as good as those by attending in a college or university in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is common nowadays for students to attend classes online and take materials from the internet. But, some believe no one can replace studying with sitting in class directly as the best learning method. totally agree with this statement because studying with sitting directly in a class has advantages such as no need for Wi-Fi and improving good habits.

Studying art in school improves students’ performance in other subjects because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That’s why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think importing foreign movies and TV programs is good for a country's culture. Others believe it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve the quality of people's lives so that government money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that we learn best through in-person interaction with a teacher in a classroom. Others believe that online learning is more effective. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

task 2: in some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address the problem?

Nowadays, distance-learning programs are such common thing for us (the study material by post, by internet) but some people argue that courses can never be taken as good as those by attending in a college or university in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree?