The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, cellphone is a tool widely
use
in our daily lives. Some regard it Change the form of the verb
used
has
a detrimental impact on social interaction and should be restricted by law, same as smoking. Frankly, I do not agree with Wrong verb form
as having
this
stance, and the following essay will outline the reasons and examples.
Firstly
, phone
has various types of usage in our society, it could be called Add an article
the phone
as
an assistant Change preposition
apply
of
our daily Change preposition
in
works
. Fix the agreement mistake
work
For example
, in
Change preposition
from
financial
perspective, it could be used in a company Correct article usage
a financial
for
contact clients and Change preposition
to
make
online Verb problem
hold
meeting
. In Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
social
aspect, students can use it to take photos with close friends and send messages to each other. These functions could prove that Add an article
the social
phone
is not only Correct article usage
the phone
an
useful tool in our work but Change the article
a
also
a helpful way to maintain friendship
.
The addiction to Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
phone
is Fix the agreement mistake
phones
shortage
commonly mentioned by Correct article usage
a shortage
the
opponents, Correct article usage
apply
however
, it is mostly relate
to insufficient self-control. If the user could be Change the verb form
is mostly related
self-discipline
, the problem Replace the word
self-disciplined
will
be solved. Wrong verb form
would
For instance
, there is a challenge called "No electronics day
", people will choose one day Correct your spelling
Electronics Day
in
a week, Change preposition
apply
stop
using any electric device. In my opinion, Fix the infinitive
to stop
this
could be a practical and easy way to encourage children put
down their phones and go out to play with their friends. As Add the particle
to put
the
Correct article usage
apply
teenager
are used to Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
the
day without Correct article usage
apply
phone
, it could reduce the opportunity Fix the agreement mistake
phones
of
addictive use.
In conclusion, even though Change preposition
for
phone
has certain drawback Add an article
the phone
might
be antisocial, Correct pronoun usage
that might
it
could Correct pronoun usage
they
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
by
assistance from parents and friends. Change preposition
with
In contrast
, smoking only has harmful and addictive influences on human
body, Add an article
the human
therefore
, the government should ban cigarrete
rather than Correct your spelling
cigarettes
phone
usage.Submitted by chaoweikevin on
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Task Response
To achieve a higher score in task response, ensure that you address all parts of the task. In the essay, while you disagree with the argument and provide some reasoning, it may not be entirely clear how strongly you disagree or to what extent you consider mobile phone use to be beneficial or harmful. To enhance clarity, explicitly state your position and develop your argument with a more balanced discussion considering both sides of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your ideas clearly and logically. Use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs, and make sure that the relationship between sentences is clear. Additionally, in some parts of your essay, you could improve the use of cohesive devices to create a better sense of flow. Be careful with paragraphing as well; each paragraph should focus on one central idea. Lastly, refine your conclusion to effectively summarize your main points and reiterate your stance.
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