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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The Bar chart depicts a little alteration information about the outlook of
individuals
Use synonyms
 who arose in and outside of
Australia
Use synonyms
 having
life
Replace the word
lived
show examples
 in urban,rural and towns from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
those
Change preposition
of those
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 who arose in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of them
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in
urban
Add an article
the urban
an urban
show examples
 field in both time intervals.
While
Linking Words
 those who
llived
Correct your spelling
lived
 in rural space, their population
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
then
Linking Words
 decreased.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 those mortals who resided in towns were decreased with time
interval
Fix the agreement mistake
intervals
show examples
.
Those
Change preposition
Of those
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 who arose outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
,
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
was resided
Change to the active voice
resided
has resided
show examples
 in
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
 field and
remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
remain
remind
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in both time
interval
Fix the agreement mistake
intervals
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
 those who
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lived in rural
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 their probability
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 decreased.
While
Linking Words
 those who came from town,their outlook
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightlyn
Correct your spelling
slightly
 decreased in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 interval. In 1995, about 45%
Use synonyms
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
were arose
Change the verb form
arose
show examples
 in
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
 field and almost 60% were
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside means their probability was high in outside.
Those
Change preposition
Of those
show examples
 who lived in rural areas
about
Add a missing verb
were about
show examples
 30% which was higher
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside about 40%.Mortals who arose in towns in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was 25% which was greater than those who lived
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside of
Australia
Use synonyms
 about 15%. In 2010,the
individuals
Use synonyms
 who lived in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was 60% which became lower than the outside about 80%
Submitted by mahmadghani32 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words individuals, australia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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