IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job. They want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion

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Gone are the days when
women
Use synonyms
 were not given equality, thanks to
women
Use synonyms
 and empowerment which has
bought
Correct your spelling
brought
show examples
 gender equality. Few masses argue that providing equivalent opportunities is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 individuals believe that many tasks
only
Add a missing verb
are only
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 designed for men which
women
Use synonyms
 cannot carry out.
However
Linking Words
, I stand with the former view and shall discuss its aspects with related examples There are multiple factors
with standing
Correct your spelling
withstanding
show examples
 the notion of non-discrimination.
Firstly
Linking Words
, by providing
fair
Add an article
a fair
show examples
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
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 to
Add an article
the female
a female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can lower
down
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apply
show examples
the burden
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one member of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
. Two exemplify a survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by News India channel, which showed the outcome that 59% of the families of India support
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work and
hence
Linking Words
 it has lowered
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their financial crisis by 5% annually.
Secondly
Linking Words
, freedom of choice promotes growth. To demonstrate the government of India has initiated many start-up plans, small scale, business opportunities with good return on investment to bring hidden skills in front and promote
women
Use synonyms
 empowerment.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
following the path of justness ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
morale and establishes a sense of faith and honesty.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per the article from The Tribune explains that 63% of the
women
Use synonyms
 of our country are bagged by their parents to achieve their goals. It elevates the trust level and
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to reach heights To cut
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 story short, the right to choose
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 belongs to everyone. so in my opinion, both men and
women
Use synonyms
 must be given an equal chance to support their families.

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Improvement Suggestions

3
coherence cohesion

Ensure logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use clear topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph, and develop that idea with supporting evidence and examples.

coherence cohesion

Include a clear introduction that states your position on the issue and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion.

task achievement

Elaborate and explain the main ideas more deeply, providing a balanced argument by discussing both views even if you agree with one. Then, substantiate your ideas with relevant, specific examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • workforce
  • diversity
  • business outcomes
  • female leaders
  • perceptions
  • gender roles
  • societal norms
  • stereotypes
  • human potential
  • job suitability
  • physical attributes
  • skills
  • qualifications
  • passion
  • male-dominated fields
  • engineering
  • military
  • leadership roles
  • breaking down stereotypes
  • encouraging diversity
What to do next:
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