IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make some action. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #government #action
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Environmental problems,
such
 as global warming, are a huge concern for the world that we are living in today.
Therefore
, it is paramount that we try to solve the issues both on a global and national scale. One of the biggest threats to our planet today is the increase in climate change, which has caused a rise in our sea water levels,
as well as
melting
Correct article usage
the melting
show examples
 of the ice caps in the Antarctic. To ensure we do not cause more damage to the Earth, it is of the
upmost
Correct your spelling
utmost
show examples
 importance that we deal with
this
 problem on a global level.
For instance
, if the World Health Organisation created new environmentally friendly rules that every country must follow,
then
 the
overall
 impact
this
 would have would be hugely beneficial.
Moreover
, if the majority of countries across the globe adhered to
such
 rules,
for example
 walking to work
instead
 of driving,
then
 the
overall
 carbon footprint generated would rapidly decline.
As a result
, many of the challenges we are seeing right now would be eradicated.
On the other hand
, every nation has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own significant role to play, and small changes lead to huge differences.
Furthermore
, every change considered on a local scale can accumulate and result in an
overall
 decrease in the net emissions of the planet.
For example
, in the United
Kingdom
Add a comma
Kingdom,
show examples
 the National Health Service is planning to go completely net zero by 2040, by reducing the amount of waste created and economically increasing sustainability levels.
Although
,
this
 may be believed to be a small difference, with time there will be a great
overall
 impact.
To conclude
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 environmental problems would be better dealt with on a global scale,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there is so much we can do on a national basis as well.
Submitted by abeera2012 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure you have a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your stance on the topic and previews the main points you will discuss. Your introduction lacked a distinctly defined thesis statement.
logical structure
Work on developing clear and distinctive topic sentences for each paragraph to make sure the main idea of each paragraph is immediately clear to the reader. It will enhance the coherence of your essay.
supported main points
Expand on your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. While some examples are provided, they need to be fully elaborated to effectively support your main points.
complete response
Ensure that each aspect of the task is addressed thoroughly. While you touched on both viewpoints, there is room for deeper exploration and a clearer expression of your own opinion in relation to the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clarity in presenting your ideas. Provide comprehensive development of your arguments, as some ideas are introduced but not explored in-depth. More thorough explanations would benefit your essay.
relevant specific examples
Utilize a greater variety of specific and relevant examples to support your points. This could include citing studies, providing statistics or other concrete illustrations to reinforce the arguments made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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