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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people who were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people who were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph depicts the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in and outside of Australia living in
metropolian
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 areas, towns and rural districts in 1995 and 2010. In 1995, about 55% of
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in Australia lived in cities,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 it increased to about 64%. Other
people
Use synonyms
 who lived in towns and rural
districs
Correct your spelling
districts
dicreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
 from 20% and 30% respectively to about 17% for each. As for
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in foreign countries in 1995 about 60% of them
Add a missing verb
were accomodated
show examples
accomodated
Correct your spelling
accommodated
 in cities. Already in
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 these
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 increased by 20%.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 decrease in
group
Add an article
the group
show examples
 who lived in rural areas from 40% in 1995 to about 5% in 2010. There
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
steep
Correct article usage
a steep
show examples
 down in
third
Change the article
the third
show examples
 group who
accomodated
Correct your spelling
accommodated
 in tows from about 10% to
approximatyle
Correct your spelling
approximately
 7% in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 rate of populations in
metropolian
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 areas in Australia
gradully
Correct your spelling
gradually
 increased,
whereas
Linking Words
 in rural and towns the rate went down.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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