IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#countries #government #prioritises #growth #concerns
The line graph compares changes in three different
crime
 rates in the city of Newport over a period of 9 years.
It is clear that
 car theft was the common source of
crime
 over the period shown. In 2003, burglaries were the main source of
crime
 in Newport, numbering just under 3500. Car thefts numbered around 2700, and the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of robberies
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 700. Just in 2007, car theft overtook burglary as the primary source of
crime
. Between 2003 and 2004, the
number
 of
burglary
Fix the agreement mistake
burglaries
show examples
peaking
Wrong verb form
peaked
show examples
 at around 3700, and since 2004, the
number
 of burglaries has decreased significantly. In 2008, burglary and robbery rankled
last
 with
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of 1100 and 500. In 2012, robberies were
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same as in 2003, and the
number
 of burglaries fell to 1400, which showed good results. #Guljahon #Report1
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The response given inaccurately addresses the task as it does not discuss the advantages and disadvantages of prioritising economic growth but instead reports on crime statistics. As for task response, ensure that you thoroughly read and address the prompt given. The structure used does not clearly articulate an argument or provide a balanced discussion on the topic at hand; a clear introduction and conclusion that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of prioritising economic growth are necessary. Coherence and cohesion are significantly diminished due to the inaccurate response to the task and the lack of logical progression of ideas relating to the topic. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, and establish a clear overall direction for your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a main idea related to the topic and supporting sentences that expand on that idea with examples and details.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion because it does not adhere to the standard essay structure, nor does it follow a logical sequence of ideas. Introduce the topic with a clear thesis statement that signals the direction of your essay. Use paragraphs effectively, each with a clear main point that is expanded upon with supporting sentences. Employ linking words to ensure a smooth flow of ideas and better cohesion within and between paragraphs. A conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the thesis is also essential for achieving a higher score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • standard of living
  • infrastructure development
  • employment opportunities
  • environmental impact
  • wealth disparity
  • modernization
  • sustainable development
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • industrialization
  • ecological footprint
  • capital investment
  • urbanization
  • economic prosperity
  • fiscal policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: