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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

ome people think that health care is a basic human necessity that should not be provided by provided private companies. But should be provided by state. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of health care being provided by the private sector

#ome #people #health #care #necessity #companies #advantage #sector
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#Nodira #REPORT #n1 The chart presents the changes that took location in several regions of offence in Newport city centre between 2003 and 2012. It's clear that the burglary crime rate
initially
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 was very high and experienced a gradual decrease
at the end
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 of the period,
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however
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however,
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 robbery has no obvious changes over the given period. In the matter of the crime with the highest number of cases at the start, the number of burglaries was
at
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apply
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nearly 3500 in 2003. It rose significantly and reached its peak of around 3800 in the following year before progressively decreasing
in till
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until
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 2008 and
finally
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 hit a trough at approximately 1100. From that time it remained steady until the end of
this
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 period. Regarding the other two areas of crime with lower levels at the beginning, the rates of car theft and robbery started at about 2800 and 600. Till 2005, the number of car thefts remained relatively stable before dropping to about 2000 in 2006,
although
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 it gradually rose with small fluctuations in the following years and went back to about its original in the
last
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 year, the rate
for
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of
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 robbery went up and down very slightly between around 500 and 900, ending at approximately 600.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are crucial for framing your discussion and summarizing your points. Make sure to include these elements to guide the reader.
Logical Structure
The structure of your essay could be significantly improved by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Supporting Main Points
When discussing data, it's essential to provide specific examples and relevant details to support your analysis. This helps to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the material presented.
Task Response
Ensure that you are responding to the task prompt directly. This essay should address the topic of health care provision by private companies, including the advantages and disadvantages of such a system. Your response seems to be centered around crime rates, which is off-topic.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Consider providing a clearer and more comprehensive explanation of ideas by elaborating on key points and using a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your message more effectively.
Complete Response
For a more complete response, make sure to reference the question directly and discuss the topic in a balanced way. Your essay should explore both sides of the argument if the prompt asks for a discussion of advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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