some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main sbjects. other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualifications. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In today's era,
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
labor requires additional skills that are not provided in the educational institution.
For
this
reason, youngster are working extra hard on their study in order to get a promising job later in the future.
However
, some
students
hold a different belief.
Thus
,
this
essay will discuss
these two opinion
Change the determiner
this two opinion
these two opinions
show examples
.
To begin
with, many young
adult
Change to a plural noun
adults
show examples
, especially those who
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
University try to expand their skills
while
studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the same time.
This
is actually a good
strategies
Change the noun form
strategy
show examples
for college pupils as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
could
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
new
insight
Fix the agreement mistake
insights
show examples
which are not given in the main subject they currently
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
.
Moreover
, the
scholers
Correct your spelling
scholars
tend to master
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
time-management
Correct your spelling
time management
show examples
when they are put in
such
conditions. In
this
case,
students
will know how to differentiate important things, urgent matters, and some
businisess
Correct your spelling
businesses
business
that can be done later on.
This
kind of
expertice
Correct your spelling
expertise
is really
importan
Correct your spelling
important
as many companies require their candidates to have
this
skill. Despite that,
deviding
Correct your spelling
dividing
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
focuses
focused
on
other subject
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
could effecting student's concentration and
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
burnout. As the
students
have many things that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
need to be finished, their performance in the main subject likely decreased. When they can not manage these all things, the chance
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
stressed out probably
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
. In short, the decision to gain
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
understanding of some
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
that can not be found in
academy
Correct article usage
an academy
show examples
can be both beneficial and unbeneficial. As long as the
students
have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
faith and
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
carry out the activities,
perfect
Add an article
the perfect
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
be obtained.
On the other hand
,
this
could lead to a bad ending if the
students
can not maintain their condition.
Submitted by ayscollegematters on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion were present but could be more clearly defined.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop main points with examples and explanations to strengthen the argument. Main points lacked detailed support and specific examples which would have bolstered the arguments.
Task Response
The response to the task question was somewhat complete. However, a more in-depth comparison of the views and a clearer expression of your own opinion is needed. Present a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own position.
Task Response
Clarify and develop ideas comprehensively. Use examples to illustrate your points and explain the implications or consequences of these ideas. The ideas presented were relevant but needed more depth and development to be comprehensive.
Task Response
Make sure to include specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic of the essay to support your points. The absence of specific, relevant examples impacted the effectiveness of the essay's argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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