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Band 1

Children are engaged in different kind of paid work. Many of people consider it inappropriate and Validate Essay many think it as a learning experience for taking responsibility? Give your opinions and view on this statement?

#children #work #people #responsibility
Nowadays many
of
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apply
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children
working
Wrong verb form
work
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at
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in
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 different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
work
.Plenty of people reckon that it is insufficient.I think that in
modern
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the modern
show examples
 world
children
 do not need to
work
.In
this
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 will discuss
this
 question. On the one
hand
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hand,
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 there are some countries where
children
 have
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
work
 because of unstable
situasion
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situation
situations
.
For
this
reason
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reason,
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children
works
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work
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in
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on
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 different occasions.For
inctance
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instance
 countries like China,Afganistan and Bangladesh have many issues with
children
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children's
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works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
.
In
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On
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other
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the other
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 hand student in
varius
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various
 places have
their
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apply
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internships.
Futrhermore
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Furthermore
 students
helps
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help
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 with any
work
 they can do.
For
example
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example,
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 in countries with strong
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economies
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economy
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economy,
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children
 could
chose
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choose
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 any internship
work
. In conclusion
i
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I
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 would say that nowadays there is
problem
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a problem
the problem
show examples
 with
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
work
.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

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coherence cohesion
Structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion is crucial. Your essay lacks a coherent structure and does not clearly distinguish between these parts.
coherence cohesion
Supporting your main points with specific examples and explanations will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Your response to the task is incomplete. To fully address the topic, you should provide a more balanced view and a clear opinion on whether children should engage in paid work or not.
task achievement
Use clear and comprehensive ideas to develop your essay. This includes establishing a strong thesis statement, clear topic sentences, and elaborating on your points with specific details.
task achievement
Including real-world specific examples related to the children's work situation will make your essay stronger and show your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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