The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effect of this disturbing trend.
Obesity is
the
major issue for a person's illness it leads to chronic diseases Correct article usage
a
such
as being
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
sugar,thyroid etc. Correct article usage
apply
According to
recent studys
there has been Correct your spelling
studies
increased
percentage of Correct article usage
an increased
children
by 20% who are suffering be obesity.In this
essay,3 main issues will be presented followed by their possible impact.
Firstly
, I believe that overweight
is seen Add a missing verb
being overweight
most
common in Change preposition
as most
children
. As
Correct word choice
Children
children
are naive and not mature enough to understand their physical health and looks.They are more inclined to eat snacks and fast food rather than freshly prepared food prepared by their mothers.
Secondly
, the chemicals present in the snacks are not very safe to intake it everyday. For example
, in one of the investigatory project
of a Fix the agreement mistake
projects
student
there was a chocolate analysis of 'Add a comma
student,
milkybar
' in which they did Correct your spelling
milky bar
milkbar
milk bar
Correct article usage
a calcuim
calcuim
test to check the presence of milk and found the result to be negative which means the absence of milk.
Correct your spelling
calcium
Also
the would be the use of electronic items. Add a comma
Also,
Children
using
Wrong verb form
use
mobile
Add an article
a mobile
phone
and laptops sitting in one position for hours which makes them lazy and could be Fix the agreement mistake
phones
cause
of obesity.
In a nutshell, overweight is Add an article
the cause
a cause
an
serious issue for a child's health. Parents Change the article
a
hould
take the utmost care of Correct your spelling
should
the
Change the word
their
child
by providing them Fix the agreement mistake
children
the
correct Add the preposition
with the
balence
diet and Correct your spelling
balance
balanced
also
by not making them stuborn
.Correct your spelling
stubborn
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak. There is a lack of clear progression throughout the text. Ideas appear disjointed and the argumentation is not fully developed. To improve, you should focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with an introduction, several body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that is developed and connected logically to the rest of the text.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and a conclusion are essential components of a well-structured essay. In your case, the introduction barely addresses the task and the conclusion is not sufficiently summarized. To enhance your score, ensure your introduction outlines the main points to be discussed and end with a solid conclusion that summarizes your arguments and relates them back to the question. In your conclusion, avoid introducing new ideas that have not been previously discussed.
task achievement
While you have included some main points related to the topic, they need to be developed further and supported with specific examples and explanations. To improve on this, consider expanding on each point with detailed information and illustrative examples. This will provide a more complete response and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat generic and are not fully fleshed out. To increase clarity and show comprehensive thinking, develop each point more fully and provide further analysis. Make use of connectors and transitional phrases to link ideas effectively and improve the readability of the text.
task achievement
While you've provided an example to support one of your arguments, more examples would strengthen your essay. Aim to include relevant and specific evidence or examples for each main point you make. Remember to explain how the examples support your argument, as this will demonstrate your ability to critically analyse information.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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