IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people think that exams are a good way of assessing a student’s level. Other people believe that they put unnecessary pressure on young learners and tell us very little about their actual ability. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The illustrated diagram provides information on
theclubs
Correct your spelling
the clubs
 connected by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people of two different
ageclass
Correct your spelling
age classes
 at a leisure
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
,the graph shows that photography
wasequallypreferred
Correct your spelling
was
club
Use synonyms
joined
Verb problem
preferred
show examples
 by both
age
Use synonyms
 groups people.
furthermore
Linking Words
,all other
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
iwsjoined
Correct your spelling
joined
 more by
25-35age
Correct your spelling
25-35 age
 groups at a leisure
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
iexcept
Correct your spelling
except
gardeningwhich
Correct your spelling
gardening which
 was most common among 55-66
age
Use synonyms
olass
Correct your spelling
class
.
Body paragraph 2
focusing into detail,we can
observed
Change the verb form
observe
show examples
 higher aftendarceabout 65 members in cycling
club
Use synonyms
 within
age
Use synonyms
groupsof
Correct your spelling
groups of
groups
 25-35·Ln
comparicon
Correct your spelling
comparison
,the number of
age
Use synonyms
groupsof
Correct your spelling
groups of
groups
 56-65 was exponentially lower in
this
Linking Words
club
Use synonyms
.Interestingly,
gardening
Add an article
the gardening
show examples
club
Use synonyms
 has about 25
membersof
Correct your spelling
members of
members
 25-35 agc
rangiswhich
Correct your spelling
which
furns
Correct your spelling
turns
 out to be
Correct article usage
a hig
show examples
hig
Correct your spelling
high
hestmumber
Correct your spelling
number
 Nith 55-65
age
Use synonyms
growp
Correct your spelling
group
 members.
Conclusion
Moreover
Linking Words
,the number of 25-35
age
Use synonyms
 group
Correct your spelling
members in
members
membersin
Correct your spelling
members
Correct your spelling
finances
fitness
fiincss
Correct your spelling
in
ckub
Correct your spelling
club
,as
wellas
Correct your spelling
well as
,
Correct your spelling
music dance
Change preposition
as musicldancd
show examples
musicldancd
Correct your spelling
music
club
Use synonyms
accountedfor
Correct your spelling
accounted for
accounted-for
an
Change the article
a
show examples
propontional
Correct your spelling
proportional
 50·
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the
Correct your spelling
number of
numberof
Correct your spelling
number of
 65-65
age
Use synonyms
 group members in
musicfdicunce
Correct your spelling
music
club
Use synonyms
iwaselighilu
Correct your spelling
was
 lower: than in fitness
club
Use synonyms
 at 55 and 53members respectively

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have attempted to describe the information from a diagram, which is related to Task 1 in the IELTS Writing module. However, you did not adhere to the de facto essay topic provided for this assessment, which was to discuss views on the assessment of student levels through exams versus the pressure on students. Hence, the response does not fulfill the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
The response lacks a clear and logical structure. A coherent essay should start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that each discuss a separate point related to the topic, and conclude with a summary or conclusion. The essay should progress smoothly from one idea to the next with logical connectors and appropriate paragraphing.
coherence cohesion
The essay does not include supported main points that are required for this task. When presenting views and opinions, it is essential to provide clear reasons, explanations, and examples to support each point. The strength of an argument or point of view lies in the quality of its support.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: