IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people think that exams are a good way of assessing a student’s level. Other people believe that they put unnecessary pressure on young learners and tell us very little about their actual ability. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
The illustrated diagram provides information on
theclubs
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the clubs
 connected by
the
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apply
show examples
people of two different
ageclass
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age classes
 at a leisure
center
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centre
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
,the graph shows that photography
wasequallypreferred
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was
club
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joined
Verb problem
preferred
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 by both
age
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 groups people.
furthermore
Linking Words
,all other
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club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
iwsjoined
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joined
 more by
25-35age
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25-35 age
 groups at a leisure
center
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centre
show examples
iexcept
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except
gardeningwhich
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gardening which
 was most common among 55-66
age
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olass
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class
.
Body paragraph 2
focusing into detail,we can
observed
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observe
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 higher aftendarceabout 65 members in cycling
club
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 within
age
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groupsof
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groups of
groups
 25-35·Ln
comparicon
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comparison
,the number of
age
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groupsof
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groups of
groups
 56-65 was exponentially lower in
this
Linking Words
club
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.Interestingly,
gardening
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the gardening
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club
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 has about 25
membersof
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members of
members
 25-35 agc
rangiswhich
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which
furns
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turns
 out to be
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a hig
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hig
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high
hestmumber
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number
 Nith 55-65
age
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growp
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group
 members.
Conclusion
Moreover
Linking Words
,the number of 25-35
age
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 group
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members in
members
membersin
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members
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finances
fitness
fiincss
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in
ckub
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club
,as
wellas
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well as
,
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music dance
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as musicldancd
show examples
musicldancd
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music
club
Use synonyms
accountedfor
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accounted for
accounted-for
an
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a
show examples
propontional
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proportional
 50·
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the
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number of
numberof
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number of
 65-65
age
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 group members in
musicfdicunce
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music
club
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iwaselighilu
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was
 lower: than in fitness
club
Use synonyms
 at 55 and 53members respectively

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task achievement
You have attempted to describe the information from a diagram, which is related to Task 1 in the IELTS Writing module. However, you did not adhere to the de facto essay topic provided for this assessment, which was to discuss views on the assessment of student levels through exams versus the pressure on students. Hence, the response does not fulfill the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
The response lacks a clear and logical structure. A coherent essay should start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that each discuss a separate point related to the topic, and conclude with a summary or conclusion. The essay should progress smoothly from one idea to the next with logical connectors and appropriate paragraphing.
coherence cohesion
The essay does not include supported main points that are required for this task. When presenting views and opinions, it is essential to provide clear reasons, explanations, and examples to support each point. The strength of an argument or point of view lies in the quality of its support.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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