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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

in the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Show advantage and disadvantage

#world #shop #work #people #internet #contact #show #advantage
We have two pie charts, which show
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us information about
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
sources
 of
energy
 about their
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 and decrease in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 for 10
years
.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the first chart, we can see
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
sources
 of
energy
witch
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 were a low
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
in the past. And in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
pie
Add a comma
pie,
show examples
 we can see how
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
sources
 of
energy
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased during some
years
. In
1980
Change the article
the 1980
show examples
 year in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 the more space
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
sources
 of
energy
taked
Correct your spelling
took
show examples
 oil, it was 42%. But in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1990 it was decreased by 9%.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the second stage located natural gas, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased too, by 1%. Thous
tipe
Correct your spelling
type
time
 of decreased because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
people
were
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 using it for many
years
 without stopping and
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 can not fill up because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is
mineral
Correct article usage
a mineral
show examples
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
. After 10
years
 in
1990
Add a comma
1990,
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 types of source
energy
 like coal, hydroelectric and nuclear power were increasing.
People
 found more deposits of coal,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
 of
this
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 5%. But if we tall about hydroelectric power it
is was
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 not increased, because
people
were
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 more hydroelectric stations
for increasing
Change preposition
to increase
show examples
 that type of
energy
. But for nuclear power,
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 10
years
people
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
created more nuclear stations, so it was
interested
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 by 5%. #javlon #day 3
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

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coherence cohesion
Your writing lacks a clear introduction that sets the context for what is being discussed, and a conclusion to summarize the main points. This is essential for a good logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay better by using clear paragraphs for the introduction, each main point, and the conclusion, which will improve the logical structure
task achievement
Your report would benefit from a clearer overview that highlights the main trends, differences, and comparisons between the data sets for improved task achievement.
task achievement
Be sure to respond to all parts of the task and avoid veering off topic. Ensure that your response answers the question fully for complete task response.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. While you've provided some specific examples, they could be more detailed and clearly linked to the main points to strengthen your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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