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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #children #activities #time #pressure
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Some parents think that their adolescents and teenagers should engage in additional academic activities during their free
time
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 statement and consider that the kids would be under too much pressure.
Nevertheless
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, in
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the issue. There are 2 main ideas behind
this
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 opinion. With the extra
time
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 spent studying, the likelihood of the child obtaining good grades at a particular school
disciplne
Correct your spelling
discipline
 is higher.
For instance
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, a math teacher may ask their students to complete
an
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apply
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exercise 2A as their homework, expecting an improvement
of
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in
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 their
students'
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student's
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 abilities.
Furthermore
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, the child may be taught that sacrificing some of their resources is the necessary thing to become successful.
For example
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, people who
work
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 on
The
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apply
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Wall Street tend to
work
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 for 90 hours in order to earn more income, than the rest 99% of the US population.
However
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, there are some significant drawbacks to
this
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 practice. First of all, the children would undergo
through
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apply
show examples
more
work
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that
Correct word choice
than
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 they can endure.
For example
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, if an adolescent comes
from
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home from
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the
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apply
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school at 4 o'clock and their parents force them to do more math
work
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 until 9 o'clock, the child will probably end up burnt out and depressed,
thus
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, starting to gradually lose
the
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apply
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academic
perfomance
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performance
.
Secondly
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, there will be no difference between the
time
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 spent at
the
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apply
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school and at
the
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apply
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home on one's psyche.
For instance
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, the teenager will not consider their home as
the
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a
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 place to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
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apply
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rest and their workplace as the location to
work
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.
This
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 may lead to
an
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apply
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inneficient
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inefficient
work
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 and leisure, resulting in more
time
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 being spent to complete a particular task and, simultaneously, burning out. In conclusion, children should not put more effort
on
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into
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 education during their leisure.
Instead
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, kids should spend their
time
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 on
sport
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sports
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, hobbies and other things that help them recharge their brain,
thus
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, becoming ready for the next day.
Submitted by alexander.vectorgs on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and transitions between ideas are not smooth. Sentences within paragraphs are disjointed, not leading to a coherent line of argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but do not effectively set up the topic and recount the main points, respectively. They should serve to frame the issue more clearly.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported to some extent, arguments could be developed further with more focused examples and explanations.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete, the essay does not fully address the question, and seems biased towards one point of view without sufficiently discussing the other.
task achievement
Ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensive to meet the criteria of an acceptable response to the task.
task achievement
Relevant examples are given but should be integrated more smoothly into the argument to effectively support the main points.
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