Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some parents think that their adolescents and teenagers should engage in additional academic activities during their free
time
. I completely disagree with this
statement and consider that the kids would be under too much pressure. Nevertheless
, in this
essay, I will discuss both sides of the issue.
There are 2 main ideas behind this
opinion. With the extra time
spent studying, the likelihood of the child obtaining good grades at a particular school disciplne
is higher. Correct your spelling
discipline
For instance
, a math teacher may ask their students to complete an
exercise 2A as their homework, expecting an improvement Correct article usage
apply
of
their Change preposition
in
students'
abilities. Correct your spelling
student's
Furthermore
, the child may be taught that sacrificing some of their resources is the necessary thing to become successful. For example
, people who work
on The
Wall Street tend to Correct article usage
apply
work
for 90 hours in order to earn more income, than the rest 99% of the US population.
However
, there are some significant drawbacks to this
practice. First of all, the children would undergo through
more Change preposition
apply
work
that
they can endure. Correct word choice
than
For example
, if an adolescent comes from
Rephrase
home from
the
school at 4 o'clock and their parents force them to do more math Correct article usage
apply
work
until 9 o'clock, the child will probably end up burnt out and depressed, thus
, starting to gradually lose the
academic Correct article usage
apply
perfomance
. Correct your spelling
performance
Secondly
, there will be no difference between the time
spent at the
school and at Correct article usage
apply
the
home on one's psyche. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, the teenager will not consider their home as the
place to Correct article usage
a
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
rest and their workplace as the location to Correct article usage
apply
work
. This
may lead to an
Correct article usage
apply
inneficient
Correct your spelling
inefficient
work
and leisure, resulting in more time
being spent to complete a particular task and, simultaneously, burning out.
In conclusion, children should not put more effort on
education during their leisure. Change preposition
into
Instead
, kids should spend their time
on sport
, hobbies and other things that help them recharge their brain, Fix the agreement mistake
sports
thus
, becoming ready for the next day.Submitted by alexander.vectorgs on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and transitions between ideas are not smooth. Sentences within paragraphs are disjointed, not leading to a coherent line of argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but do not effectively set up the topic and recount the main points, respectively. They should serve to frame the issue more clearly.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported to some extent, arguments could be developed further with more focused examples and explanations.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete, the essay does not fully address the question, and seems biased towards one point of view without sufficiently discussing the other.
task achievement
Ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensive to meet the criteria of an acceptable response to the task.
task achievement
Relevant examples are given but should be integrated more smoothly into the argument to effectively support the main points.
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