IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of people to take care of the environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #responsibility #governments #care #environment
The earth has been destroyed
due to
 over-exploitation of the environment. It is argued that the
government
 has the responsibility to take care of the environment
while
 others think that it is the
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 task. In my opinion,
while
 the
government
 working on environmental laws and policies, promoting eco-friendly movement could be done by the
people
. A
collaborations
Change the noun form
collaboration
show examples
 is needed to save the environment. On the one hand, the
government
 has the power to influence other stakeholders. The environmental
problem
 is complex
due to
 the involvement of the
government
, the private sector and the society. The authorities could play a role as a bridge which connects their interests. In Indonesia,
for instance
, the
government
 has successfully issued a law regarding the use of plastic bags.
As a result
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society has been pushed to
brig
Correct your spelling
bring
show examples
 their own bag for shopping.
According to
 the data,
this
 policy can
reduced
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 70% of plastic
bags
Change the noun form
bag
show examples
 usage among the society.
On the other hand
, the community could
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 together to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 general awareness on environmental issues.
Moreover
,
people
also
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 issue because it is their daily
problem
. Technically speaking, the community could
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness by making
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 events
as well as
 promoting eco-friendly
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 via social media.
For example
, there is a community namely river guardian which actively
cleaning
Wrong verb form
cleans
show examples
 the river from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestics
Change the noun form
domestic
show examples
 waste. They
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not only practically tackled the river waste
problem
 but
also
promoting
Wrong verb form
promoted
show examples
 their activity
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media to raise
people
's awareness.
To conclude
,
although
 the
government
 should take
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
 responsibility in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
policy
Add an article
the policy
show examples
 and influencing power,
people
 should
also
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
 an
innitiative
Correct your spelling
initiative
 to solve
environmental
Add an article
the environmental
an environmental
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
as well as
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital platforms. The environmental condition is a complex
problem
 which could only solved by a
collaborations
Correct the article-noun agreement
collaboration
show examples
 of
people
 and the
government
.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear overall progression of ideas throughout the essay. This is generally apparent but there are occasional lapses which can disrupt the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to clearly indicate the structure and guide the reader through the text. Some complex structures were used, but with errors.
coherence cohesion
Begin the essay with a standalone introduction that clearly sets out the topic and your approach to it, avoid integrating your opinion into the introduction, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
Provide a fully developed response to all parts of the task, with relevant ideas that are extended and supported by detailed examples. This should be consistently clear and appropriate to the task.
task achievement
Work on precision of language to avoid any ambiguity or confusion for the reader. Some grammatical errors and incorrect word choices can be found, impacting clarity.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to strengthen the argument and demonstrate a wider knowledge of the topic.

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