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Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs
In contemporary education, many secondary schools put
community
service
 as part of the
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 in their curricula. It is perceived that
enganging
Correct your spelling
engaging
 in
community
service
 will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 positive impacts
to
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on
show examples
students
. The same goes for me, I believe that being involved in voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 will train the empathy of the
students
 to contribute to their surroundings,
as well as
 help them to channel their passion and actualize their dreams. High
school
 is one of the critical
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
 for
students
 to develop their emotional
inteligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
. Increasing the awareness to contribute to the surrounding people and environment can be undergone through charity and voluntary
activities
.
For instance
, they make a campaign and hold
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
socialization on how to recycle organic and inorganic waste by implementing what they have learned during biology class.
Not to mention
 that it is in their prime to explore various things, both in positive and negative circumstances. In
this
 case, doing positive
activities
 will likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
prevent them from engaging in unnecessary and harmful
activities
such
 as
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
commuting
 violence and crime that
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 them to juvenile court. Exposing high
school
students
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
community
service
 will
additionally
 help them find their passion
to learn
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for learning
show examples
 for tertiary
school
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of high schoolers still figure out what they are passionate about.
However
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hands-on and practical experience in the real world including
through
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apply
show examples
unpaid work will enable them to find
excitements
Fix the agreement mistake
excitement
show examples
 and promising careers. Take an example, some
students
 may not realize that they are into education
untill
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until
 they get the
opportunities
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opportunity
show examples
 to teach their juniors voluntarily. Apart from that, the
trackrecords
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track records
track-records
 of taking part in
such
activities
 can be an added value for a college entry. Some post-secondary education
recognize
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recognizes
show examples
extracuricullar
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
 and even
community
service
 to assess the
applicants
Change to a genitive case
applicant's
applicants'
show examples
 qualifications. To
summerize
Correct your spelling
summarise
show examples
, involving voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 as part of
madatory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 programs at
school
 will benefit the
students
 significantly. It will not only increase the
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 empathy
to
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for
show examples
 their environment but
also
 prevent them
to engage
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from engaging
show examples
 in negative circumstances.
Additionally
, it can be a crucial aspect to assess for a university entry. I do agree
for
Change preposition
that
show examples
 schools to make
such
activities
 obligatory for the
students
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Task response: Your essay addresses the prompt, but to enhance it, ensure that you fully elaborate on your points and consistently address the question throughout the essay. While your position is clear, deeper analysis and a more thorough exploration of both sides of the argument would enhance your task response score. Provide a balanced view before aligning with one side.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. To improve, focus on varying your linking words and phrases to demonstrate a wider range of language for connecting ideas. Additionally, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within it are well-connected to this main idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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