IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs
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In contemporary education, many secondary schools put
community
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service
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 as part of the
compulsary
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compulsory
activites
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activities
 in their curricula. It is perceived that
enganging
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engaging
 in
community
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service
Use synonyms
 will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 positive impacts
to
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on
show examples
students
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. The same goes for me, I believe that being involved in voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 will train the empathy of the
students
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 to contribute to their surroundings,
as well as
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 help them to channel their passion and actualize their dreams. High
school
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 is one of the critical
moment
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moments
show examples
 for
students
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 to develop their emotional
inteligence
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intelligence
. Increasing the awareness to contribute to the surrounding people and environment can be undergone through charity and voluntary
activities
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.
For instance
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, they make a campaign and hold
a
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apply
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socialization on how to recycle organic and inorganic waste by implementing what they have learned during biology class.
Not to mention
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 that it is in their prime to explore various things, both in positive and negative circumstances. In
this
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 case, doing positive
activities
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 will likely
to
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apply
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prevent them from engaging in unnecessary and harmful
activities
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such
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 as
commiting
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committing
commuting
 violence and crime that
leads
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lead
show examples
 them to juvenile court. Exposing high
school
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students
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with
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to
show examples
community
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service
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 will
additionally
Linking Words
 help them find their passion
to learn
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for learning
show examples
 for tertiary
school
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.
Majority
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The majority
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 of high schoolers still figure out what they are passionate about.
However
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,
with
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
hands-on and practical experience in the real world including
through
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apply
show examples
unpaid work will enable them to find
excitements
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excitement
show examples
 and promising careers. Take an example, some
students
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 may not realize that they are into education
untill
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until
 they get the
opportunities
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opportunity
show examples
 to teach their juniors voluntarily. Apart from that, the
trackrecords
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track records
track-records
 of taking part in
such
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activities
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 can be an added value for a college entry. Some post-secondary education
recognize
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recognizes
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extracuricullar
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extracurricular
 and even
community
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service
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 to assess the
applicants
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applicant's
applicants'
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 qualifications. To
summerize
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summarise
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, involving voluntary
works
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work
show examples
 as part of
madatory
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mandatory
 programs at
school
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 will benefit the
students
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 significantly. It will not only increase the
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students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 empathy
to
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for
show examples
 their environment but
also
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 prevent them
to engage
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from engaging
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 in negative circumstances.
Additionally
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, it can be a crucial aspect to assess for a university entry. I do agree
for
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that
show examples
 schools to make
such
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activities
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 obligatory for the
students
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.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Task response: Your essay addresses the prompt, but to enhance it, ensure that you fully elaborate on your points and consistently address the question throughout the essay. While your position is clear, deeper analysis and a more thorough exploration of both sides of the argument would enhance your task response score. Provide a balanced view before aligning with one side.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. To improve, focus on varying your linking words and phrases to demonstrate a wider range of language for connecting ideas. Additionally, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within it are well-connected to this main idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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