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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to Japan for different purposes between 1990 and 2010.

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to Japan for different purposes between 1990 and 2010.
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A glance at the line graph provided reveals the tourists of foreigns who came to Japan for various purposes after two decades. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that there was a downward trend experienced in all intentions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the number of businesses was the highest number over the 20-year. In terms of
business’s
Change noun form
business
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 data, it started at approximately 6
million
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 and rose dramatically
just
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to just
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 10
million
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 by 2005.
Although
Linking Words
 it exponential decline, it gradually increased and reached 9
million
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 year. With regard to holiday and
visit
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 friend information , there was a slight movement underwent in both purposes, except for the initial point and the growth level. In 1990, the figures for holiday and
visit
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 friends began at about 5
million
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as well as
Linking Words
 merely 4
million
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 respectively. What is more, there were similar points in about 1993 and in 2005 between holiday and
visit
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 friends stood at 4
million
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 and about 7
million
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 equivalently.
Finally
Linking Words
, Whilst holidays took up the second rank with negligibly 7
million
Use synonyms
, the
visit
Use synonyms
 friends decreased minimally
at
Change preposition
to
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 6
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words million, visit with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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