IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You were recently impressed by a staff member at a supermarket. Write a letter to the manager of the supermarket. In your letter. • describe the situation • explain how you were helped • state what you are going to do as a result of this good experience

#staff #member #supermarket #manager #situation
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Dear Sir or Madam, The reason why I am addressing you is that I want to express my gratitude for the service I have received from one of your
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
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.
Last
Linking Words
 week
while
Linking Words
 I was returning from my office, I saw a poster related to your supermarket and remembered that I was in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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desperate need of a number of products.
Consequently
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, I said decided to visit your supermarket. As soon as I entered the building, I
feel
Wrong verb form
felt
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 extremely happy
by
Change preposition
with
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 its modern look.
Then
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 one of your staff
member
Change to a plural noun
members
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 welcomed me and asked what type of product I
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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then
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 me to
fruit
Correct article usage
a fruit
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 stand where he offered me
fresh
Change the word
freshly
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 picked apples, pears and cherries which were hard to find
that
Change preposition
at that
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 time. After I filled my basket he offered his help to carry it to
Correct article usage
the cash-box
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cash-box
Correct your spelling
cash box
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.
At there
Change preposition
There
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 I was extremely surprised after hearing the amount of money I ought to pay since it was less than I expected. I hope you will never stop offering
such
Linking Words
 a good service to your customers. Best wishes, John Adams
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter lacks a clear logical structure and could benefit from more coherent paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a single idea more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to introduce the subject of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences that develop the idea fully before concluding or transitioning smoothly to the next point.
task achievement
While the task is generally achieved, the letter could provide more specific details about the situation, such as the date and time, what products were purchased, and the name of the employee if known. This would strengthen the response to the task.
task achievement
Maintain a suitable formal or semi-formal tone throughout the letter. Avoid using overly casual language or undefined pronouns which could make the letter seem informal.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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