Some people say that parent should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own discuss both opinions and give your opinion ?

#people #parent #children #part #group #activities #time

Whether little ones should

Verb problem

have

show examples

full freedom to spend their time free time as per their wish is a topic of debate

among

Change preposition

show examples

our society and some people believe that

parents

should be responsible for planning their

activities

among their peers.

This

essay discusses both these viewpoints and in the end I will present perspective. There

many

Add a missing verb

are many

show examples

benefits if

children

are encouraged to spend their pastime as they like. What

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show examples

mean is that it helps them to become more independent and

also

teaches accountability for their actions.

This

has many benefits.

First,

it fosters independence which is necessary to make informed decisions as adults when they have

noone

Correct your spelling

no one

to guide them.

Secondly

this

will

also

empower them in learning

Correct article usage

the casue-effect

show examples

casue-effect

Correct your spelling

cause-effect

relationship of adopting good

as well as

bad habits.

For example

, a student can learn important life

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

after gaining awareness of how spending prolonged time on video gaming could

leads

Wrong verb form

lead

show examples

to poor academic performance.

This

in turn could discourage them

to develop

Change preposition

from developing

show examples

a deleterious daily routine, enhancing their future outlook

as a result

On the other hand

parents

are required to arrange various team

activities

for their all-round development. To elaborate, there is a general consensus among people that

children

doesn't

Change the verb form

don't

show examples

exhibit advanced awareness as adults in it comes to understanding what is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

best for their

overall

growth.

Therefore

, the limited life experience of

children

makes the onus fall on

parents

shoulder

Fix the agreement mistake

shoulders

show examples

to choose group

activities

such

as a music class, a swimming course and so on; which in turn facilitate

children

fostering a sense of

camaderie

Correct your spelling

camaraderie

while

also

assist

Wrong verb form

assisting

show examples

them

understanding

Change preposition

in understanding

show examples

the importance teamwork and collaboration. In conclusion, there are clear merits and demerits of

parents

managing their

children

's social

activities

with friends. On balance,

however

, I feel that adults should continue to supervise the group-based leisure endeavours of their little ones because they are the ones who know what is best for nurturing better habits and skills in them. I recommend that

parents

should

also

stay vigilant about the social circle of their

children

in order to avert any potential threat of developing unfavourable and counterproductive behavioural tendencies.

Submitted by rohit.narad90 on Sat Dec 16 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connect it logically to the thesis of the essay. Precise topic sentences would help in this regard.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more concise and directly address the prompt. Aim to clearly state the essay question and your opinion in both sections.

coherence cohesion

Make sure to consistently develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. Each paragraph should clearly follow from the points you've made, reinforcing your argument.

task achievement

Expand and support your ideas more fully. The response does address the question, but it lacks depth. More detailed explanations and a variety of examples would improve the completeness of the response.

task achievement

Clarify your ideas by expanding them and providing more comprehensive analysis. This will also enhance the clearness of your argument.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific and detailed examples to back up your points. Real-world examples or hypothetical situations would make your essay more persuasive and fulfilling the tasks more effectively.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

353 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that parent should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own discuss both opinions and give your opinion ?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.