Some people say that parent should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own discuss both opinions and give your opinion ?

Whether little ones should
be
Verb problem
have
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full freedom to spend their time free time as per their wish is a topic of debate
among
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in
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our society and some people believe that
parents
should be responsible for planning their
activities
among their peers.
This
essay discusses both these viewpoints and in the end I will present perspective. There
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
benefits if
children
are encouraged to spend their pastime as they like. What
i
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I
show examples
mean is that it helps them to become more independent and
also
teaches accountability for their actions.
This
has many benefits.
First,
it fosters independence which is necessary to make informed decisions as adults when they have
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
to guide them.
Secondly
,
this
will
also
empower them in learning
Correct article usage
the casue-effect
show examples
casue-effect
Correct your spelling
cause-effect
relationship of adopting good
as well as
bad habits.
For example
, a student can learn important life
lesson
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lessons
show examples
after gaining awareness of how spending prolonged time on video gaming could
leads
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lead
show examples
to poor academic performance.
This
in turn could discourage them
to develop
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from developing
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a deleterious daily routine, enhancing their future outlook
as a result
.
On the other hand
,
parents
are required to arrange various team
activities
for their all-round development. To elaborate, there is a general consensus among people that
children
doesn't
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don't
show examples
exhibit advanced awareness as adults in it comes to understanding what is
the
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apply
show examples
best for their
overall
growth.
Therefore
, the limited life experience of
children
makes the onus fall on
parents
'
shoulder
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shoulders
show examples
to choose group
activities
,
such
as a music class, a swimming course and so on; which in turn facilitate
children
fostering a sense of
camaderie
Correct your spelling
camaraderie
while
also
assist
Wrong verb form
assisting
show examples
them
understanding
Change preposition
in understanding
show examples
the importance teamwork and collaboration. In conclusion, there are clear merits and demerits of
parents
managing their
children
's social
activities
with friends. On balance,
however
, I feel that adults should continue to supervise the group-based leisure endeavours of their little ones because they are the ones who know what is best for nurturing better habits and skills in them. I recommend that
parents
should
also
stay vigilant about the social circle of their
children
in order to avert any potential threat of developing unfavourable and counterproductive behavioural tendencies.
Submitted by rohit.narad90 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connect it logically to the thesis of the essay. Precise topic sentences would help in this regard.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more concise and directly address the prompt. Aim to clearly state the essay question and your opinion in both sections.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to consistently develop your main points with specific and relevant examples. Each paragraph should clearly follow from the points you've made, reinforcing your argument.
task achievement
Expand and support your ideas more fully. The response does address the question, but it lacks depth. More detailed explanations and a variety of examples would improve the completeness of the response.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by expanding them and providing more comprehensive analysis. This will also enhance the clearness of your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and detailed examples to back up your points. Real-world examples or hypothetical situations would make your essay more persuasive and fulfilling the tasks more effectively.

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