Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today's world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history?

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Some people believe that
history
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is a mandatory
subject
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to learn in school
while
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others argue that
science
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and
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
are more vital than
history
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in recent society. From my
perspectively
Change the word
perspective
show examples
, both
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subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
show examples
have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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own
necessary
Replace the word
necessities
show examples
for students.
To begin
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with, the
history
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lesson records all the past of human development and culture
as well as
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provided
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success and fault
example
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examples
show examples
for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
that they can learn from the past.
For instance
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, there
have
Verb problem
was
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a
seroiusly
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seriously
unreturned
destory
Correct your spelling
destruction
to the environment and emotional influence
to
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on
show examples
citizen
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citizens
show examples
of those
courties invloved
Correct your spelling
countries involved
in World War I and II,
due to
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all the countries learnt the lesson fortunately World War III
have
Verb problem
did
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not
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
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in the years. Learning
history
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can avoid having
same
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the same
show examples
mistake again for
leaners
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learners
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, learning
science
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and technology are the trends started
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
10years
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10 years
. Owing to our life surrounded by various high-tech
equipments
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types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
though
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through
show examples
advanced technology
thus
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students can reach
this
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field and present in the
furture
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future
by learning
this
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subject
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.
Rencent
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Recent
successful
celebarties
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celebrities
incuding
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including
Steve Jobs, Apple founder and Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook founder
whom
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are in the
science
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and technology field
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
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therefore
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this
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subject
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is a popular career
in
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at
show examples
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe that both subjects are important to
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
and both have their own advantage for student knowledge development. People can learn the past from the
history
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subject
Use synonyms
along with
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a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
popular career development in learning
science
Use synonyms
and
technonlgy
Correct your spelling
technology
.
Submitted by llavina61 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next, and use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by planning your essay structure before writing and making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded on.
Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, it is essential to address all parts of the task prompt and provide a balanced view when the question involves discussing different views. Always endeavor to develop your ideas fully and provide specific examples where possible, enhancing the depth and clarity of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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