IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move out of large cities and into regional areas. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #governments #industries #businesses #move #cities #areas #development
In recent years, the
government
 have been encouraging businesses and industries to relocate from major city to small
regional
Replace the word
regions
show examples
. As
such
, there are merits and demerits to
this
 idea,
although
 I opine that its merits
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the demerits. In
this
 essay, I
eill
Correct your spelling
will
 examine all the relevant opinions based on factual premises. There are several arguments to support
this
 idea. The predominant one is that it can reduce urban congestion which
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 to decrease traffic congestion in large cities and gain
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality of air.
Moreover
, It might help to promote balanced regional development which is it can bring numerous investors from other countries.
As a result
 of
industries
Change the noun form
industry
show examples
 expansion, the
government
 will build
infrastucture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 to facilitate economic growth.
However
, diluting regional identities and traditions
as a result
 of
influx
Correct article usage
the influx
show examples
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
 workers.
In addition
, the
industries
Change noun form
industry's
industries'
show examples
 activities can harm the environment ecosystem if it is not properly managed by the
government
.
For example
, it can bring danger to
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
show examples
ecosytem
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
ecosystems
 because of industrial waste.
Therefore
, the
government
 should
be handling
Wrong verb form
handle
show examples
 properly
this
 situation before it harms the ecosystem.
Furthermore
, if the
government
 just rely on
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
 industry, it would be risky especially if it declines. In conclusion, there are numerous benefits and drawbacks.
Nevertheless
, In my opinion,
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
are outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the demerits. It can help
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 regional and bring foreign investors.
Moreover
, reducing traffic congestion can help to diminish pollution and bring
clean
Correct article usage
a clean
show examples
 atmosphere to
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
.
In addition
, the local community can gain numerous exposures to promote their products to other countries and have easy access because of
expand
Wrong verb form
expanded
show examples
 infrastructure.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay more logically, with clear introductory, body, and concluding paragraphs that each have a unique function. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the essay flows naturally from one point to the next.
task achievement
Work on providing a more comprehensive response to the prompt. Expand on your points with detailed examples and ensure you address all parts of the question. Both the advantages and disadvantages should be explored equally, with your final opinion being justified by the arguments presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic diversification
  • urban congestion
  • regional development
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • environmental impact
  • air quality
  • over-reliance
  • cultural disruption
  • industrial activity
  • ecosystems
  • sustainable
  • urban-rural migration
  • economic incentives
  • workforce
  • relocation costs
  • zoning regulations
  • corporate responsibility
  • public-private partnerships
  • livability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: