In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with academic subjects. Discuss the effects of this trend.

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A trend of
substitutating
Correct your spelling
substituting
sports and exercise classes with academic
subject
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subjects
show examples
can be seen across the world.
This
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essay will discuss the impact of the situation on the new generation. First of all, some people argue that sports
wont
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won't
show examples
be
benefical
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beneficial
in leading a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
life. As we all know
corporate
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corporations
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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running
this
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world,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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have
influence
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an influence
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on
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. So
such
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corporate people and their supporters are setting a wrong perspective in the society for their individual means. They are pushing
such
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argument
Correct article usage
an argument
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because they don't want
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
generation they just want an individual who is excellent in
academic
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academics
show examples
,
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apply
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so that they can employ him and
can
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apply
show examples
get their work done using their knowledge.
Secondly
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, having a healthy body is very important. Our current lifestyle is very pathetic, we do not burn enough calories
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
of our eating and working patterns.
That is
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the reason for
reduction
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the reduction
a reduction
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in the living span of a
hunman
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human
gunman
. So enhancing physical activities
during
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at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
young age is very necessary. I will not only make
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
physically strong but
also
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it will keep individual mentally and emotionally strong. And, practising
such
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activity from
the
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a
show examples
very early age will develop a habit and can improve the life span of an individual.
For example
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, a report says
individual
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an individual
the individual
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who tends to practise exercise since childhood
are
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is
show examples
physically and
mentall
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mentally
strong as compared to other and their life span is
also
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better than others. In conclusion, If
such
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trends continue
then
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it can
cause
Verb problem
have
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very
Add an article
a very
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dangerous effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society it is very important to friction
such
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wrong
narrative
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narratives
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and enhance practising sports since childhood.
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This wrong ideas
Change the determiner
This wrong idea
These wrong ideas
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can lead to
physically
Correct article usage
a physically
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and mentally weak generation.
Submitted by adarsh.deore12322 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a well-structured introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should present a clear main idea and be coherent with the rest of the text.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with specific, relevant examples and fully elaborate on how these points support your argument regarding the effects of replacing sports with academic subjects.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. The essay would benefit from a deeper analysis of why the trend is occurring and how it affects different aspects of society beyond the individual, such as educational institutions or future workforce.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas with careful consideration of the prompt. Each paragraph should articulate a distinct idea that relates to the effects of the trend on society. Use more precise language and clarify arguments.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points, and ensure they are fully explained and directly relevant to the topic. Broad generalizations without evidence do not sufficiently demonstrate the effects of the trend.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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