IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition totheir main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#university #students #subjects #addition #totheir #time #attention #qualification
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I would highly recommend the
applicant
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 to participate in the
CrossCulture
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Fellowship
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Programme
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. They have a strong academic background, a passion for cross-cultural understanding,
skills
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, and
experience
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 necessary to be successful in
this
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programme
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. The
applicant
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 has a Bachelor of Science degree
in
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from
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 IPB University, which
has
Verb problem
is
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quality
Add an article
a quality
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 university in Indonesia. They are fluent in English and Indonesian, and they have
experience
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 working in a multicultural environment. They are
also
Linking Words
 a strong leader and team player.
In addition
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 to their academic background and passion for cross-cultural understanding, the
applicant
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also
Linking Words
 has the
skills
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 and
experience
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 necessary to be successful in the
CrossCulture
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Fellowship
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Programme
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. I believe that the
applicant
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 would be a valuable asset to the
CrossCulture
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Fellowship
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Programme
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. The
applicant
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's
skills
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 are GIS and remote sensing, which is demonstrated by working on an analysis of deforestation in the Papua region in 2017-2022. The analysis aims to calculate the current forest and non-forest
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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. Of course, the area obtained can be useful for determining how much carbon can be calculated or can determine policies that can be carried out by utilizing existing forests in terms of the environment. I am confident that the
applicant
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 would be a valuable addition to the
CrossCulture
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Fellowship
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 Program. They have the
skills
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,
experience
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, and passion to make a real difference in the world.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Your essay does not address the IELTS writing prompt provided, which asked for a discussion of the views on whether university students should study additional subjects or focus solely on their main subjects for qualification. It is crucial to adhere to the topic and task given in the exam.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay lacks an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, it is important to clearly structure your essay with an introduction that paraphrases the prompt, body paragraphs that discuss both views and provide examples, and a conclusion that summarizes your points and states your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are supported by relevant and specific examples related to the topic. Since the provided essay does not relate to the given prompt, it entirely misses providing support for the issue at hand. Examples need to be directly connected to the topic of students studying additional subjects alongside their main subjects.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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