Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some adults concluded that the screen
time
a kid is spending nowadays is not so
beneficial as the Correct word choice
as
time
he or she is using for plaing
outside the house. In my opinion, Correct your spelling
playing
placing
the
future development is highly Correct article usage
apply
corelated
to Correct your spelling
correlated
the
childhood and that means that where we play and what we play Correct article usage
apply
has
a Correct subject-verb agreement
have
masive
impact on Correct your spelling
massive
ouer
Correct your spelling
our
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
lifes
. I agree, in conclusion, that outdoor activities are better in a way Correct your spelling
lives
that
computer games.
Correct word choice
than
First,
since we are
still function on the same principles Unnecessary verb
apply
ouer
ancestors did, a closer look Correct your spelling
our
to
their life should be taken. From what history has to offer, there was no intelligence device back Change preposition
at
then
, so kids where
spending their Correct your spelling
were
time
with other sones
and daughters or helping the elders. The quality Correct your spelling
sons
time
among ouer
friends and family grows the percentage of being successful.
Correct your spelling
our
Secondly
, computer games can be a dangerous activity since the internet is so wild and has free access to everyone. the parent may not know what is hidden in the laptop his child is spending his early life on. The games can contain inadequate morals and the infant in this
way, without knowing it create
his behavior based on what he sees. Change the verb form
creates
In addition
, the posture is deteriorating as much as the visual function.
In conclusion, screen time
can be addictive and in bad ways rather than good ones affects the future person's life. The beauty and innocence of this
early period is
Change the verb form
are
headen
in simple Correct your spelling
hidden
occupatins
that enlarge his functions.Correct your spelling
occupations
occupation
Submitted by acaitaz on
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coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is basic and does not flow seamlessly from one idea to the next, compromising its logical structure. Aim to have a clear progression of ideas throughout.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and full development. Ensure that the introduction sets the stage for your argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your stance.
coherence cohesion
While main points are present, they are not elaborated with well-developed arguments or examples. Illustrate each point with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your position.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task but could be more responsive to the prompt by taking a definitive stance and arguing it thoroughly with a more structured development of ideas.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear but lack depth and comprehensive analysis. Elevate your arguments with more sophisticated reasoning and varied sentence structures to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Specific examples to support arguments are insufficient. Include pertinent and detailed examples to substantiate your views and make your essay more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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