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Band 5

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

#commentators #grandparents #children #grandchildren #people #arguments #debate #conclusion
Passing time, individuals grow and get old, on the one hand, some people believe elderly people should live with their sons and daughters,
on the other hand
, some of them think it is better for the retired community to keep their independence. In
this
 essay, I will consider both ideas and conclude my own. From a point of view, living with grandparents
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages like using their stories and experiences, causes to improve knowledge about their community, and
also
 will lead society to have a respectful connection between different genders. Some believe that people who live in big families do not have appropriate rest and a noisy environment decreases their concerns.
In addition
, living in different manners causes unindepencancy. I believe that there should be a balance between these two approaches, first children and grandchildren can fall in love and increase their self-confidence by the first generation,
furthermore
, in some cases, they may have more free time to handle their interests
while
 some activities will be done by grandparents. Despite
this
, in some cases, they do not have enough independence in society and may not carry out their responsibilities very well.
To sum up
, both sides of the debate have their own logical reasons, in my point of view, it is better to make a balance between these approaches.
Submitted by h.dibabiotech on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure but could benefit from clearer paragraphing and better use of linking words to improve the flow between ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and be distinct from others. Use more cohesive devices to ensure a well-organized and easy-to-follow argument.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the task clearly. While you have presented both sides of the argument and given your own opinion, your points could be developed further. Use more specific examples to support your arguments and ensure that your conclusion is comprehensive and restates your main ideas effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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