Social media has replaced the traditional method of communicating and people use more and more of social media to communicate and follow news and events. Do you think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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The traditional method has changed with social
media
, many individuals use it to communicate, to read the
news
and to know the
events
. The benefits are
people
can communicate everywhere and all the time, and they get the
news
and
events
quickly. The drawback is that the traditional method of communicating will be forgotten by the next generation. Communication is an important thing that all
people
do these days. On the one hand, using social
media
makes it easy to communicate everywhere and at every hour. Many
people
prefer to talk with others on their phone. Many applications on the phone can be used by
people
,
such
as Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp and so on.
For example
, individuals in different places can video call to talk about everything in midday or midnight.
In addition
, on social
media
,
people
get the
events
and
news
fast. Technology has developed well recently
in
Change preposition
apply
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they can read or watch the
news
on their phone
Change preposition
through
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by
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through
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an application of social
media
. They do not wait for a long time to get the
news
and
events
. Take BBC
News
as an example. The
news
that is
provided by the BBC can be viewed in many applications. They gave it on Instagram, Facebook, or in their application, namely BBC
News
.
On the other hand
, communicating the traditional method will be forgotten by the
people
in the future.
This
happens because they spend a lot of time communicating and getting
news
. For one thing, the person must be waiting for one month to get the message from their friends by the letters. For another thing, they know about what happens these days by printed newspapers. Sometimes the
news
in the printed newspaper
that is
given today happens in the
last
week.
To sum up
the arguments mentioned above, every person does communicate in their daily life.
People
prefer to use social
media
to talk and to get
news
and
events
rapidly rather than send a message by
a
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apply
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letter to communicate and read printed newspapers.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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structure
Your essay lacks a clear structure and organization. An introductory paragraph should clearly state the topic and your position on the issue, followed by paragraphs that each introduce a single main point in support of your position, with a conclusive paragraph that summarizes your arguments and restates your position.
support
While your main points are to an extent supported, your argument would benefit from a more in-depth exploration, with more detailed examples and explanations to fully develop your ideas.
balance
Make sure to provide a balanced view when discussing advantages and disadvantages. Your essay leans heavily towards the advantages, and the disadvantages are not explored as thoroughly. Both sides must be equally considered to fully respond to the task.
linking
You should aim to enhance linking between your ideas to create a more cohesive narrative. Use transitional phrases and make sure each sentence leads logically to the next to avoid abrupt jumps in the discussion.
conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the points made in the body but does not fully encapsulate your view or reflect back on the question's prompt about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Make sure your conclusion ties the essay together and addresses the essay question directly.
examples
The essay lacks specific examples to illustrate points. While you provide general observations, incorporating direct and detailed instances or statistics would strengthen the task achievement and make your argument more convincing.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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