IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people are of the opinion that children should be rewarded for good behaviour. Others think they should be punished for bad behavior. Discuss both views and give your personal opinion and reasons.

#people #children #behaviour #behavior
The education of children has become a debatable topic.
While
 some think students should be rewarded for good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think they should get
discipline
Wrong verb form
disciplined
show examples
 for their bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss both views and my personal opinion and reasons. On the one hand, positive reinforcement can encourage good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 by rewarding children when they act appropriately, which can motivate them to maintain
such
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in the future. Parents or teachers can reward them in various forms
such
 as stickers, small prizes or candies which give youngsters motivation to keep good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in the long term.
On the other hand
, punishing children when they
misbehavior
Replace the word
misbehave
show examples
 will
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative impact on their mental health.
According to
 a survey from Hong Kong University, 70% of students experience depression and anxiety because of their shadow of childhood
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they get punishment from their parents.
Therefore
 they are scared to express themselves. We can see that the effect of punishment will have a huge negative impact on a child. In conclusion, rewarding adolescents would lead them to be good behaviour person.
In contrast
, punishment is not the best way to correct their
misbehavior
Change the spelling
misbehaviour
show examples
.
Submitted by callachan8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction sets a clear foundation for the discussion by directly addressing the topic and outlining the structure of the essay. Additionally, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and clearly states your position.
Supported Main Points
Develop your main points with clear explanations and relevant examples. Each viewpoint should be explored fully, ideally with supporting evidence or real-life examples to substantiate your claims.
Complete Response
Aim for a balanced argument where both sides are presented before you state your personal opinion. Make sure your personal opinion is clearly stated and well-supported by reasons and examples from your text.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the progression of ideas to enhance the reader's understanding. Use a range of cohesive devices accurately and effectively to bring about better flow and coherence in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Behavioral motivation
  • Praise
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Internal discipline
  • Consequences
  • Time-outs
  • Removal of privileges
  • Logical consequences
  • Psychological effects
  • Child-parent relationship
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Consistency
  • Fairness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: