IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some people think it is important for all children to learn history in school. Others believe that other subjects are more relevant to children’s life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Currently, I am working as a GIS Specialist.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 job requires me to understand remote sensing and mapping. As a GIS staff, I am required to do mapping
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the existing needs
for
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the company's needs. The tasks I did were
developed
Change the verb form
to develop

Developed doesn’t seem to work here.

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 manual digitization analysis through Sentinel-2 imagery in Papua Island,
analyzed
Wrong verb form
analyse

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb analyzed. Consider changing it.

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 the deforestation rate in Papua Island during 2017-2022 using remote sensing, and
wrote
Wrong verb form
write

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb wrote. Consider changing it.

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 about the results of the deforestation rate in Papua Island in 2017-2022. The field I learned
is very relate
Change the verb form
is very related

It appears that the form of the verb relate does not work with is in this sentence.

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 to my daily life as an Applied Meteorology student who always plays with data and mapping. I consider a GIS Specialist to be very familiar with mapping and remote sensing work. I believe that the skills I have can be useful for the organization I am currently in.

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task response
The essay fails to address the prompt provided which requires a discussion of the relevance of learning history in schools versus the importance of other subjects. Instead, the essay focuses on the author's personal experience in their current role as a GIS Specialist, which is unrelated to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is lacking as it does not follow the expected format of an IELTS essay. There should be a clear introduction, followed by paragraphs that discuss both views of the argument, and a conclusion summarizing the discussion and the writer's own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential parts of the IELTS essay structure. The introduction should set the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made and restate the author's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are unsupported in the essay because it does not discuss the topic at hand. To support main points, each paragraph should contain a clear topic sentence followed by explanations, examples, or evidence that reinforce the point being made in relation to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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