IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

More students decided to take a part-time job when they go into universities. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#students #job #universities #development
Germany is a developed country with one of the best environmental conditions in the world and one of the best manufacturers in the world. In
this
 case, I really want to find an organization that can accommodate me to learn about understanding what the environment is like, how to love the environment,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 to change people's mindset that the environment is very important for the current circular economy. All of these things are
then
 developed with my skills in the field of GIS so that what I get in
this
 program can be integrated between my knowledge and skills. I feel now is the right time to start all
this
 with the help of
this
 program.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential components of a well-structured response. Ensure that the position is stated in the introduction and summarized in the conclusion.
Logical Structure
The logical flow of ideas is not evident. Use cohesive devices and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument or narrative.
Supported Main Points
Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Each paragraph should center on a single idea that supports your overall viewpoint.
Complete Response
The essay does not address the task's topic directly. It is crucial to answer the given question, discussing the implications of university students taking part-time jobs.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
The ideas presented are not clearly developed and lack comprehensive detail. Focus on expanding your thoughts and providing depth to the discussion.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include examples that are pertinent to the essay prompt to substantiate your points, especially when you discuss the potential benefits or drawbacks of students working part-time.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!