Some people think student should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think student should spend time on other important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some assert that the studying of
food
making should be taught as
main
Add an article
the main
a main
show examples
subject in the
school
curriculm
Correct your spelling
curriculum
while
others believe that
students
might concentrate on essential
subjects
such
as math, physics, chemistry,
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Because both viewpoints are justifiable, I personally lean towards the latter. It is understandable as to several people want
food
science to be prioritized as a main subject at
school
. First and foremost, if
students
are taught about how to make
food
in their
school
, they can not only have a sense of
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
of themselves but
also
practice their discipline during cooking. Preparing the equipment
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
food
making, though, is extremely expensive for
students
at
school
in any country.
For instance
, in Vietnam, some
students
in need have to ponder carefully to save their living expenses
instead
of paying
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
equipment of
food
science
st
Correct your spelling
at
show examples
school
.
Furthermore
, I contend that paying attention to core
subjects
such
as math, physics, chemistry,.. may exert a vital influence on
final
Add an article
the final
a final
show examples
exam to enter university.
In addition
, insightful knowledge of major
subjects
is deemed
imparetive
Correct your spelling
imperative
for
students
who later on become doctors, engineers,electricians,.. .So, they have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
flexibility in core
subjects
in order to pursue their career. Personally, I firmly believe that it is
matter
Add an article
a matter
show examples
of
socio economic
Add a hyphen
socio-economic
show examples
status’
Change noun form
status
show examples
individual
Change preposition
of individual
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
, parents
enable
Correct pronoun usage
who enable
show examples
their children to study
food
science.
However
, it is unnecessary for
students
who study major
subjects
and young ones do even waste their time. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, several ones are able to be headless of their studies. In conclusion,
although
, there are lots of
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
regarding
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
problems.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, I opine that both factors
also
play a vital role in
students
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and lead to
students
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
informed
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
Submitted by weezel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should contain a single, coherent idea, and these ideas should be linked in a logical manner.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, provide a comprehensive response to the task by discussing both views in balanced detail and adding specific, relevant examples to support your points.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: