Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent days, many people think that the best decision to claim
successfulness
is crawling in Replace the word
success
ladder
of Add an article
the ladder
higher
educational system, Add an article
the higher
whereas
others proclaim that spending the
time in secondary school is enough. Yet, I believe that both of them gladly Correct article usage
apply
give
their own impacts in positive ways.
First and foremost, studying at Verb problem
have
university
or college Correct article usage
a university
bring
powerful effects of knowledge for students and Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
alumnus
. Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
Firstly
, relationship
that Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
build
by connecting to others when we do academic or practical learning Wrong verb form
are built
such
as in daily class, weekly competition
, and annual organization, will blast the linking circle of friends. Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
For instance
, as sophomores, they hardly get the essential point of study after spending in
a one-year period, but they can widen Change preposition
apply
up
their circle through adaptation and habituation by which students can grab a lot of friends with different Change preposition
apply
background
of varied majors. Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
Secondly
, supressing
Correct your spelling
suppressing
incident
that exacerbate the work life, and prohibit Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
to be
gullible human Verb problem
apply
being
later on, by modulating Replace the word
beings
the
knowledge. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, working in technological
Add an article
the technological
area
that Fix the agreement mistake
areas
thrive
nowadays is dangerous by improving Change the verb form
thrives
intelligences
, several cases Change the wording
intelligence
bits of intelligence
such
as suspicious
Add an article
a suspicious
mortgage
in company Fix the agreement mistake
mortgages
pact
.
Fix the agreement mistake
pacts
On the other hand
, graduating from high school is not bad even though narrow-minded oldsters judge through the
educational backgrounds. Change the word
their
However
, the majority of vocational schoolers already have provisions to jump into work life in which they are supported by vocational
curriculum. As evidence, vocational students indeed have specific talents which are the beneficial factors to sail in work life.
Add an article
the vocational
To sum up
, although
, I strongly agree by
Change preposition
with
those
advantages Correct determiner usage
the
between
going to university and high school Change preposition
of
giving
more positive impacts to approach Wrong verb form
gives
the
better Correct article usage
a
carreer
.Correct your spelling
career
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coherence cohesion
The essay needs to have a clearer logical structure. Paragraphs should be organized with clear, topic-specific sentences, and ideas should flow in a logical manner from one to the next. Transitions between points could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be better developed. The thesis statement in the introduction should be clear and define the scope of the essay. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and restate the writer's opinion, providing a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
Main points should be better supported with clear, relevant examples and explanations. Each paragraph should explore a specific idea and demonstrate how it supports the writer's overall argument.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task, the response could be more complete. The discussion presents both views, but the writer's opinion is not sufficiently highlighted and appears somewhat ambiguous.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. The use of overly complex or unclear language can detract from the overall clarity. Ensure that each point is articulated in a way that is easy for the reader to understand.
task achievement
Specific examples to support arguments are lacking. Examples help to concretize arguments and should be relevant and clearly linked to the point they are illustrating. General statements should be avoided in favor of specific, detailed explanations.