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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015.
#information #percentage #women #education #five #countries #years
The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 the
number
 of females entering higher
educationin
Correct your spelling
education in
 the year 1980 and 2015 from five countries ( UK, USA, Australia, South Korea, and France).
Overall
, the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
wowen
Correct your spelling
women
 in higher education is
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in all five countries by the year 2015.
While
 in Australia
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
remain
Wrong verb form
remains
show examples
 the same as in 1980 In 1980, Australia
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the highest
number
 of women at over 55% followed by France with 50% of women attending
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher education.
In addition
, both
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 have
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
female
Change to a plural noun
females
show examples
 studied
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at 35% and around 38% respectively. And in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
South Korea has the lowest
number
 of female
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in higher education at about 15%.
On the other hand
, in 2015, the percentage of
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 leavers going to higher studies
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
 at the same level at 58%, and equal highest with the USA.
Moreover
, the proportion of
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and France is increasing to approximately 55% in both countries. For South Korea, where the percentages
doubles
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
 from 15% to 30%, which was the most dramatic
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
.
Submitted by mynonames on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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