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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#numbers #incidents #injuries #million #passenger #miles #pmt #transportation #type #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 numbers of
incidents
Use synonyms
 and
injuries
Use synonyms
 per 100 million passenger miles travelled by transportation type in 2002.
Overall
Linking Words
, In 2002
Incidents
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 higher and
Injuries
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 lower.Mainly in the chart Demand Respond as large
incidents
Use synonyms
 and
injuries
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to others.
While
Linking Words
otherside
Correct your spelling
other side
, very low in Commuter
Rail
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Incidents
Use synonyms
 and
Injuries
Use synonyms
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
only 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Commuter
Rail
Use synonyms
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 very low in
Incidents
Use synonyms
 and
Injuries
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Heavy
Rail
Use synonyms
as
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
Incidents
Use synonyms
 and
Injuries
Use synonyms
 is lower
compare
Replace the word
compared
show examples
 to
Incidents
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in Light
Rail
Use synonyms
 as above 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
Incidents
Use synonyms
 and
Injuries
Use synonyms
 as lower than 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In Bus little bit same in
Incidents
Use synonyms
 above 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and in
Injuries
Use synonyms
 as below 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Demand
Respond
Replace the word
Response
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 very high in
Incidents
Use synonyms
 and
Injuries
Use synonyms
 which
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 above 200 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
Incidents
Use synonyms
 and above 150 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
Injuries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words incidents, injuries, rail, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Passenger Miles Travelled (PMT)
  • incidents per 100 million PMT
  • injuries per 100 million PMT
  • transportation type
  • comparative measures
  • statistical analysis
  • proportionate level
  • anomalous data
  • discrepancies in safety figures
  • severity of incidents
  • frequency of occurrences
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