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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today's world?

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There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education.
While
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 some hold a strong view that a general education across a number of
subjects
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 is aimed to be provided by secondary schools, the opposite makes a statement that pupils emphasise a wide range of
subjects
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 associated with a particular occupation.
While
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 the latter has some valid reasons, I would contend that the former would potentially bring about more tremendous impacts. Without a shadow of a doubt, the
subjects
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 play a paramount imperative role in student’s secondary school. In
this
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 day and age,
the
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apply
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younger people will survive only if they are equipped with a great deal of digesting insights in various sectors.
Hence
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, when children learn all the topics of the academy from natural and social sciences
bring
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brings
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 a harmless effect on their
future
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 line of career. From my perspective, the
subjects
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 in the institution put a premium on children’s success in the
future
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.
Furthermore
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, learning more
subjects
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 help adolescence develop sharp different skills. Simultaneously, that will help them have more knowledge and solid assessment of the fields.
For instance
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, learning math helps them have the ability to think and calculate, study literature by analyzing the reasons and understanding the emotions of characters. These things are not only beneficial for schoolwork but
also
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 the satisfactory problems in the
future
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. In conclusion, researching all
subjects
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 has
bring
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had
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 an enormous impact on the conception of pupils.
To sum up
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, when children learn all
subjects
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 in their school, it has brought favourable impact on their
future
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 careers and various skills. I
believed
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believe
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 that the latter can not overshadow its counterpart.

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Task Achievement
You fail to fully develop all parts of the task. Although you have addressed the general aspects of the topic, the answer could have been strengthened by a detailed examination of the advantages of both general and specialized education, as the prompt requires a discussion of both. Moreover, include a more explicit personal position throughout the essay rather than just at the beginning and the end.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the overall structure of the essay is apparent, the logical flow can be improved. Make use of a wider range of cohesive devices to better link ideas between and within paragraphs. Also, ensure that your introduction offers a clear outline of the points that will be discussed and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay without introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • versatility
  • adaptability
  • well-rounded
  • knowledge base
  • critical thinking
  • informed decisions
  • specialized fields
  • career-focused
  • deeper understanding
  • skillset
  • integration
  • balanced education model
  • exposure
  • secondary education
  • professional life
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