Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #behavior #field #influence

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Throughout history,

people

have always shown interest in different kinds of sports.

This

led to the creation of

Olympic

Correct article usage

the Olympic

show examples

games and it motivated

people

towards sharpening their skills and reaching better results. Sports have been a part of our daily

life

for quite some time now and some

people

believe that professional sportsmen have a positive effect on their fans.

Meanwhile

Add a comma

Meanwhile,

show examples

others tend to disagree

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they think that an athlete’s inconsistent career might do more damage

Change preposition

show examples

young

people

’s mindset than good. In

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will overlook both views and state my opinion. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand,

sport

Add an article

the sport

show examples

demands stubbornness and

strong

Correct article usage

a strong

show examples

will which are really important qualities

for

Change preposition

show examples

every person’s

life

. These values help humans achieve great results not only in

sport’s area

Change noun form

sports

show examples

but

also

in tough situations in

life

, so with that kind of

beliefs

Fix the agreement mistake

belief

show examples

, sportsmen motivate

people

to never give up.

Sport

also

one of the main sources of

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

lifestyle

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because dopamine and endorphins released doing sports help

people

relax and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

makes

Correct subject-verb agreement

make

show examples

them more often happy.

This

leads to lower chances of developing depression or other mental health problems which eventually reduce the number of suicides. Because of that athletes are idols for a lot of young

people

On the other hand

, a sportsman’s infrequent job may cause fans to lose determination for reaching their goals which might influence

people

to give up in rigid situations. To give an example, if you are trying to pass a karate exam and with one hour remaining of the exam you decide to call it a day just because you are physically tired, you will never get the belt. Long gaps in

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

careers

also

might cause a decrease in skills and it can seriously affect athletes’ results.

For

instance

Add a comma

instance,

show examples

if somebody wanted to participate in the Olympics and they had a trauma before, they might not be able to do that because they won’t be ready. In my opinion, I think that it’s normal for sportsmen to be inconsistent because it’s just how it works and I strongly agree with a position that suggests that athletes

make

Verb problem

have

show examples

a good influence on young

people

To conclude

, as

any

Change preposition

with any

show examples

other career

sport

has its cons and pros, but depending on a person’s goals, it can have a strong impact on an individual’s

life

Submitted by oimigle on Tue Dec 19 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay presents a logical structure which could have been substantiated with clearer examples and more explicit linking between ideas and paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices needs to be more varied to achieve better coherence.

task achievement

The response to the task is somewhat complete, yet it lacks in-depth examination of the topic. The essay would benefit from clearer, more comprehensive expansion of ideas, supported by more pertinent and detailed examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

386 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

role model
determination
discipline
work ethic
community service
charitable activities
poor behavior
unsportsmanlike conduct
media scrutiny
public perception
materialism
physical and mental health issues
impressionable youth
high levels
pursuing sports
positive influence
negative influence

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Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

🔶Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

The image explains how Pu-erh ripe tea and raw tea are made

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even treatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?