Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Throughout history,
people
have always shown interest in different kinds of sports. This
led to the creation of Olympic
games and it motivated Correct article usage
the Olympic
people
towards sharpening their skills and reaching better results. Sports have been a part of our daily life
for quite some time now and some people
believe that professional sportsmen have a positive effect on their fans. Meanwhile
others tend to disagreeAdd a comma
Meanwhile,
,
because they think that an athlete’s inconsistent career might do more damage Remove the comma
apply
on
young Change preposition
to
people
’s mindset than good. In this
essay
I will overlook both views and state my opinion.
On Add a comma
essay,
one
hand, Correct article usage
the one
sport
demands stubbornness and Add an article
the sport
strong
will which are really important qualities Correct article usage
a strong
for
every person’s Change preposition
in
life
. These values help humans achieve great results not only in sport’s area
but Change noun form
sports
also
in tough situations in life
, so with that kind of beliefs
, sportsmen motivate Fix the agreement mistake
belief
people
to never give up. Sport
is also
one of the main sources of healthy
lifestyleAdd an article
a healthy
,
because dopamine and endorphins released doing sports help Remove the comma
apply
people
relax and it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
makes
them more often happy. Correct subject-verb agreement
make
This
leads to lower chances of developing depression or other mental health problems which eventually reduce the number of suicides. Because of that athletes are idols for a lot of young people
.
On the other hand
, a sportsman’s infrequent job may cause fans to lose determination for reaching their goals which might influence people
to give up in rigid situations. To give an example, if you are trying to pass a karate exam and with one hour remaining of the exam you decide to call it a day just because you are physically tired, you will never get the belt. Long gaps in sport
careers Change the noun form
sports
also
might cause a decrease in skills and it can seriously affect athletes’ results. For
instance
if somebody wanted to participate in the Olympics and they had a trauma before, they might not be able to do that because they won’t be ready.
In my opinion, I think that it’s normal for sportsmen to be inconsistent because it’s just how it works and I strongly agree with a position that suggests that athletes Add a comma
instance,
make
a good influence on young Verb problem
have
people
. To conclude
, as any
other career Change preposition
with any
sport
has its cons and pros, but depending on a person’s goals, it can have a strong impact on an individual’s life
.Submitted by oimigle on
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, yet it lacks in-depth examination of the topic. The essay would benefit from clearer, more comprehensive expansion of ideas, supported by more pertinent and detailed examples.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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