Some believe that living in an apartment are advantageous, but other argue it in contrast. Discuss both views.
While
some people
believe that living in an apartment
is a negative aspect , I believe that living in an apartment
is an advantage because people
have less work to do and when something gets broken renters do not need to pay for it.
On the one hand, living in an apartment
is a negative aspect because people
have many restrictions while
living in it such
as not being able to have visitors without asking a
permission. When they want to celebrate a friend's birthday, they need to ask for it and the number of Remove the article
apply
people
should be restricted because there is no
a lot of space. Another thing is that if you have a party, renters are not allowed to hear music Correct your spelling
not
in
high volume or other Change preposition
at
neighbors
might report them Change the spelling
neighbours
with
the manager. Change preposition
to
For instance
,
In California, individuals might have a party until 9 pm with a low music
or other Remove the article
low music
a piece of low music
people
have the right to call the police department. However
, I believe that other people
need to rest and enjoy a peaceful place to live.
On the other hand
, living in an apartment
is a positive aspect because individuals do not need to do a lot of shores
to maintain their space clean. Correct your spelling
chores
Firstly
, they do not need to cut the grass because when a person live
in an Change the verb form
lives
apartment
the owner of the building hire
Change the verb form
hires
people
to do this
activity. Another thing, when something gets broken, the renters do not need to worried
about it Change the verb
worry
becuase
they do not need to pay for it, so Correct your spelling
because
this
situation is a thing they should not be worried.
To illustrate my point, in Anaheim, most of the Change preposition
about.
apartments's
Change noun form
apartments
owner
ask Fix the agreement mistake
owners
people
to have rental insurance, so if
something gets broken the agency will pay for it. I believe Correct word choice
that if
this
is a preferable way to live because people
will not spend more money paying for extra fees.
To conlcude
, Correct your spelling
conclude
although
some people
believe that living in an apartment
is a disadvantage because they might have rules for living in it, I strongly believe it is more convenient to have less
Change the quantifier
fewer
responsabilities
and not to pay when something is broken. In the future, I believe more young Correct your spelling
responsibilities
people
will chose
to live in an Change the verb form
choose
apartment
because it is more convenient to live this
way.Submitted by cuevas14dic on
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task achievement
You should begin your essay by paraphrasing the prompt to establish the topic and outline the main points you will be discussing. This will make your introduction more effective.
task achievement
Although you have presented both views, make sure your body paragraphs are fully developed with clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should contain one main idea supported by sufficient detail and examples.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. Vague references such as 'in California' or 'in Anaheim' do not give enough information. Provide concrete instances that reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs: an introduction, body paragraphs (one for each view), and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and be linked with the others using cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
You have presented your arguments and ideas, but ensure greater clarity by focusing on smooth transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Errors such as 'shores' instead of 'chores', 'do not need to worried' instead of 'do not need to worry', and 'not to pay' instead of 'not paying' can affect your reader's understanding.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example