Some believe that living in an apartment are advantageous, but other argue it in contrast. Discuss both views.

#believe #apartment #contrast

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While

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some

people

Use synonyms

believe that living in an

apartment

Use synonyms

is a negative aspect , I believe that living in an

apartment

Use synonyms

is an advantage because

people

Use synonyms

have less work to do and when something gets broken renters do not need to pay for it. On the one hand, living in an

apartment

Use synonyms

is a negative aspect because

people

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have many restrictions

while

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living in it

such

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as not being able to have visitors without asking

Remove the article

apply

show examples

permission. When they want to celebrate a friend's birthday, they need to ask for it and the number of

people

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should be restricted because there is

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

a lot of space. Another thing is that if you have a party, renters are not allowed to hear music

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show examples

high volume or other

neighbors

Change the spelling

neighbours

show examples

might report them

with

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show examples

the manager.

For instance

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, In California, individuals might have a party until 9 pm with

a low music

Remove the article

low music

a piece of low music

show examples

or other

people

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have the right to call the police department.

However

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, I believe that other

people

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need to rest and enjoy a peaceful place to live.

On the other hand

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, living in an

apartment

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is a positive aspect because individuals do not need to do a lot of

shores

Correct your spelling

chores

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to maintain their space clean.

Firstly

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, they do not need to cut the grass because when a person

live

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lives

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in an

apartment

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the owner of the building

hire

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hires

show examples

people

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to do

this

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activity. Another thing, when something gets broken, the renters do not need to

worried

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worry

show examples

about it

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

they do not need to pay for it, so

this

Linking Words

situation is a thing they should not be worried

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about.

show examples

To illustrate my point, in Anaheim, most of the

apartments's

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apartments

show examples

owner

Fix the agreement mistake

owners

show examples

ask

people

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to have rental insurance, so

Correct word choice

that if

show examples

something gets broken the agency will pay for it. I believe

this

Linking Words

is a preferable way to live because

people

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will not spend more money paying for extra fees. To

conlcude

Correct your spelling

conclude

although

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some

people

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believe that living in an

apartment

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is a disadvantage because they might have rules for living in it, I strongly believe it is more convenient to have

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

responsabilities

Correct your spelling

responsibilities

and not to pay when something is broken. In the future, I believe more young

people

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will

chose

Change the verb form

choose

show examples

to live in an

apartment

Use synonyms

because it is more convenient to live

this

Linking Words

way.

Submitted by cuevas14dic on Wed Dec 20 2023

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task achievement

You should begin your essay by paraphrasing the prompt to establish the topic and outline the main points you will be discussing. This will make your introduction more effective.

task achievement

Although you have presented both views, make sure your body paragraphs are fully developed with clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should contain one main idea supported by sufficient detail and examples.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your points. Vague references such as 'in California' or 'in Anaheim' do not give enough information. Provide concrete instances that reinforce your argument.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs: an introduction, body paragraphs (one for each view), and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and be linked with the others using cohesive devices.

coherence cohesion

You have presented your arguments and ideas, but ensure greater clarity by focusing on smooth transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas more naturally.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to your spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Errors such as 'shores' instead of 'chores', 'do not need to worried' instead of 'do not need to worry', and 'not to pay' instead of 'not paying' can affect your reader's understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

383 words

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Some believe that living in an apartment are advantageous, but other argue it in contrast. Discuss both views.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think high school graduates should travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Do the Advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Some people say that all people should stay in full-time education until they are least 18 years old. to what extent do you agrre or disagree?

Many museums and historic sites are mainly visited by tourists rather than by local residents. What are the causes of this? What can be done for museums and historic sites to attract more local visitors?

With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. To what extend do you agree or disagree?