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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that goverments should fund and promote artistic and cultural activities for their citizens. Others, however, think that these activities should be left to private individuals and institutions. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #goverments #fund #activities #citizens #individuals #institutions
Art is an essential part of human life. Art is not only for entertaining
also
Correct word choice
but also
show examples
 a tool to deliver
messages
such
 as traditional things.
Therefore
, artistic and cultural
activities
 for a country to make its
citizens
 throughout generations
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
know about their culture.
Thus
, there are various funds from
governments
 and private individuals and institutions to promote these practices. Each of
sponsorships
Correct article usage
the sponsorships
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 has its own
strenghs
Correct your spelling
strengths
 and benefits.
Firstly
, it is common for
governments
 to fund and boost artistic
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
activities
 related to their culture to the
citizens
.
This
 is because the
governments
 have solid resources to support these
activities
 with wider
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
 to deliver and can reach more
people
.
For instance
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
traditional
activities
 can be celebrated yearly and
broadcasted
Wrong verb form
broadcast
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 nationwide through
news
Correct article usage
the news
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,
therefore
, more
people
 will get to know them. Since the
governments
 are in charge, the
governments
 can control the
messages
 and information regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 cultures which they want to pass on to the
citizens
.
On the other hand
, private individuals and institutions may promote artistic and cultural
activities
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways that are more creative and profitable.
For example
, the private parties would use different methods to deliver information about farming culture to their audiences through music, performances or
patinings
Correct your spelling
paintings
.
This
 allows
messages
 to get
closers
Correct your spelling
closer
show examples
 to different types of
people
 based on their interests.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, products
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
made
from
Change preposition
by
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 farmers can
also
 be sold at any places that are open to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists, which will bring financial benefits to local
citizens
. In my opinion, both government and private parties should fund and promote artistic and cultural
activities
 as the
messages
 and information will be
ultilized
Correct your spelling
utilised
.
While
 the
governments
 ensure their
citizens
 know about traditional
activities
 throughout, individuals and institutions play their parts in bringing them closer to
people
 with different interests.
Submitted by thanhvan230688 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a recognizable structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs and make certain that each sentence logically follows from the one before. It's critical to guide the reader through your progression of thought without abrupt changes.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task adequately by discussing both views and providing an opinion. Improve by developing a clearer overall position throughout the essay, ensuring that your opinion is consistent and well integrated at every stage of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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