IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Opinions are divided on whether young age or adult lifetimes are the happiest in people's lives. I believe it depends on different individuals' perspectives, which will be proved in
this
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 essay.
Teenage
Correct article usage
The teenage
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 years are filled with school
life
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 where students have chances to explore different fields without fear of wasting money and
time
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.
For instance
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, when back
to
Change preposition
on
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 campus, the supportive atmosphere creates various opportunities for young ones to explore their careers, which means one can try many different jobs without worrying about real-
life
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 failure and financial problems. Even alongside with mistakes sometimes, students gain many lessons and find their dream career area.
Hence
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, they consider these years as the most important and happiest
time
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 because they acquire not only knowledge but
also
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 first-hand experience and confidence, the vital components for a successful individual. Though there is less
time
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 for adults to reconsider career paths, with salary, they are able to pursue products, dreams and partners that they love.
For example
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, girls can freely decide what kind of fashion clothing they love to buy, which may often be rejected by parents when they ask for money in their teenage times. Even sometimes they waste money on a product or need to face the trouble
that is
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 caused by themselves, they still enjoy the feelings of freedom.
Therefore
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, responsibility is a part of
life
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 but they are joyful with a strong sense of satisfaction.
As a result
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, they believe that the adult years are the most perfect
time
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 in their lives. In conclusion, the happiest moment may happen in any state of an individual's
life
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. I opine that no matter is teenage
time
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 or adult stage, individuals have their ups and downs. It is the satisfaction, eight the freedom of exploring the world from a young one or the freedom of financial in the case of work staff,
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
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 made
life
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 more fulfilling.

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task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the prompt, but the response could be more fully developed. Be sure to discuss both views thoroughly before providing your own opinion.
task achievement
While you present some clear ideas, they would benefit from deeper analysis and expansion. Ensure that each paragraph elaborates on the main point with comprehensive support and clear reasoning.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but lack detail. Aim to provide specific and vivid examples that clearly support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is satisfactory, however, it could be enhanced by clearer transitions and stronger topic sentences. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but they could be strengthened. Make sure your introduction clearly sets out the scope of the discussion, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Main points are recognizable but need to be more prominent and consistently supported throughout the essay. Aim to make stronger arguments with clear main points that stand out in each paragraph.
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