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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three period and whether they were studying full-time and part-time

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three period and whether they were studying full-time and part-time
#men #women #education #britain #three #period
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The two bar
Use synonyms
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
indiacates
Correct your spelling
indicate
 the number of people who do
full
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full-time
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time
Use synonyms
 and
part
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-
time
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education
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 during three periods in Britain. The y-axis depicts the years they took
the
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their
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education
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 and
x-axis
Correct article usage
the x-axis
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 shows the number of people. The male
chart
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 shows that graphs
is
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are
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slighty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 constant
regaring
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regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
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as well as
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
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education
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. But the female
chart
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 shows variations in women
receing
Correct your spelling
receiving
receive
 both types of
education
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.In the male
chart
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highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 number of men involved in
full
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full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
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 is 1000 and
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 educators
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 100 people in 1970/91.But almost 1500 women took
part
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 in
full
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full-time
show examples
time
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education
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 during the period 1990/91 and
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 numbers in
part
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timeducators
Correct your spelling
time educators
 were below 100 in numbers. In summary over the period of 30 years both men and women were interested in taking
full
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full-time
show examples
time
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education
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 than the
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Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, time, education, part with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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