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Band 4.5

Many old buildings are protected by law they are part of a nation's history. However, some people think old buildings should be knocked down to make way for new ones people need houses and offices.

#buildings #law #part #nation #history #people #ones #houses #offices
The world has been developed pretty much.
Also
, numerous new
buildings
 are constructed, but some historical
buildings
 are still reserved by law as they are vital to the
history
 of the nation.
However
, some people do not agree with the idea of reservation. They think the old
buildings
 should be replaced by the new ones. In my perspective, it is true that building new
buildings
 is essential for development nowadays, but some of the historical places which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very important should still be reserved. There are reasons to support the claim.
To begin
 with, some of the historical
buildings
 should be broken down in order to construct new ones, but the number should be limited. They should be destroyed because development requires more
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
.
Therefore
, they do not stand in the way of progress, meaning even though some
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still reserved, it does not affect the revolution of the world. The reason that the
buildings
 that are relevant to the
history
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 particular country
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 adolescents
are still be
Change the verb form
are still
show examples
 able to learn about the
history
 of their country
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 those places. It might not seem like it is vital to know the
history
, but it actually is.
This
 is because the youngsters will learn
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 mistakes of their ancestors so that they do not repeat the same mistakes again.
This
 means that development will
also
 go
along with
reservation
Correct article usage
the reservation
show examples
 of historical
buildings
. In summary, it is true that breaking down the old
buildings
 should be done, which will allow new
buildings
 to be constructed. Meanwhile, the
buildings
 that are vital should
also
 be reserved, allowing the teenagers to learn and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not repeat the same mistakes.
Thus
, the world will be developed
merely
Rephrase
not merely
show examples
 in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
buildings
 but in terms of people as well.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure but lacks clear and sophisticated linkage between ideas, which leads to an incoherent flow of information. It is critical to use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to build a logical argument.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the question, the argument could be more fully developed. The task requires a balanced view and specific examples, which are somewhat lacking. Ensure that both parts of the prompt are addressed and supported with clear, focused examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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