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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The plans below show a layout of a university's sport centre now and how it will look after redevelopment

#plans #show #layout #university #sport #centre #redevelopment
The given diagrams compare the current layout of a university’s sports centre to its future design. The main difference is in the future plan there will be no outdoor courts.
Besides
 that, new facilities will be provided inside the building,
such
 as dance studios,
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
, and
Correct article usage
a sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 shop. Currently, the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 centre has three main areas,
pool
, gym, and outdoor courts. When we enter the building, we will find the reception exactly in front of the entrance and the
pool
 is located next to it.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the east
side
 of the
pool
, there is a seating area
while
 the changing room is exactly on the opposite
side
.
Additionally
, we can find the gym on the north
side
 of the
pool
. On the outside of the building, there are two courts and each of them
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 located on the east and west
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of the building. Meanwhile, the area of the building will be expanded by demolishing the outdoor hall.
Firstly
, the current
pool
 will remain the same,
along with
 its changing and seating area. Following that, on the west
side
 of the sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, an indoor
pool
 will be built with a changing room on
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 south. On the opposite
side
 of the building, there will be an indoor hall and two dance studios.
Finally
, the gym will be expanded to the east
side
 of the building.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a fair overview, but could be more paraphrased to show a range of vocabulary. Also, make sure that your conclusion offers a clear summary of the main trends, differences, or stages without simply repeating what you've mentioned earlier.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that ideas are logically organized and that each paragraph has a clear central theme. Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, consequently) to improve the connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include an introductory sentence in each paragraph to establish the topic clearly, and use a mixture of sentence structures for better flow. Use more precise linking phrases to guide the reader through the descriptions and comparisons. Additionally, a clear conclusion that encapsulates the key developments or contrasts would improve the coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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