Some educational systems make students study specialised subjects from the age of ﬁfteen while others require students to study a wide range. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#systems #students #study #subjects #age #ﬁfteen #range

There is ongoing debate regarding whether educational systems should initiate youths from the age of fifteen to study professional

subjects

instead

of pervasive learning.

This

essay will explore both perspectives and arrive at my own conclusion. In the contemporary era, it is widely agreed that the environment in workplaces has become more demanding than ever before, and

people

equipped with specialized skills are common. Focusing on studying specific

subjects

is one of the most significant advantages in

this

competitive society because experts in professional fields can always overcome challenges that we face in the workplace.

Furthermore

, what is

also

noteworthy is that

people

studying the knowledge in-depth are usually capable of conducting a comprehensive tutorial for newcomers since they are familiar with the professional domain.

On the other hand

, there are

also

a few merits that study a wide range of

subjects

. It is undeniable that pervasive learning is beneficial to students. In the epoch-making era, a considerable number of companies like Google and Facebook opt to recruit young

people

with various abilities, and studying diverse

subjects

is the most efficient approach to acquiring substantial knowledge.

Moreover

, it is essential for every worker to adapt to work environments. With a wide amount of learning, young

people

can have more choices in future careers. In conclusion, it is evident that both learning specific and broad

subjects

can bring positive effects. From my perspective, educational systems must strike a delicate balance between various strategies for diverse youngsters. What the fuck bro, suckers.

Submitted by seanlin12345 on Thu Dec 21 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

The essay contains a logical structure in the introduction and conclusion sections, but there is significant room for improvement in organising ideas throughout the essay. Creating clearer transitions and maintaining a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs could enhance coherence.

Task Achievement

The essay completes the task partially because it discusses both sides of the argument and includes a conclusion. However, the level of detail and development of ideas is limited. Ideas need to be more fully expanded upon with clear examples to reach a higher score.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

250 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some educational systems make students study specialised subjects from the age of ﬁfteen while others require students to study a wide range. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Although the prices of fuels have greatly increased over the last decade or two, it is argued that further increases in fuel prices are the only way to reduce world consumption of fuel and lessen pressure on the world’s fuel resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that the government spend too much money on wildlife protection projects and the money should be used for other things. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Others, however, believe technology is the way to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.